The Political Garbage Chute

DeSantis Demands Floridians Call February “White People Have History, Too Month”

Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL) signed an executive order today that will go into effect on February 1st, and will demand that all Floridians stop calling February "Black History Month." "With a stroke of my mighty pen," DeSantis said while wearing...

Mike Pence Returns Classified Docs and Hunter Biden’s Dick Pics to Proper Authorities

This morning, a courier hired by former Vice President High Priest Mike Pence delivered unmarked envelopes to two different locations. When asked about this on Fox News, Pence explained why he hired the courier. "I told that nice, strapping, hard...

After Recent Mass Shootings, George Santos Apologizes for Inventing the Gun

Just this week, three separate mass shootings rocked California, a state with relatively stronger gun laws. Whether or not  more permissive laws in neighboring states like Nevada or Arizona play a role in the number of guns that can...

MTG Wants to Subpoena the President, CEO, and Captain of Antifa

This week, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) filed a bill in the House of Representatives that, if passed into law, would designate Antifa as a domestic terrorist organization. This morning, Ms. Greene explained to reporters just how far she...

NRA Congratulates California on Two Mass Shootings in Two Days

This week, California saw to two deadly mass shootings in two consecutive days. They mark the 38th and 39th mass shootings this year, though there have been fewer than thirty days that have elapsed thus far. In response to the...

My Grandpa Smoked for 50 Years and Died of Lung Cancer After He Got a COVID Vaccine

The following editorial was submitted to us by Frank Lee Stew-Pitt, who calls himself a "defender of medical freedom and slayer of common sense tyranny." The views and opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pitt, and not...

Tucker Carlson Vows He’ll Never Stop Sexually Fantasizing About Cartoon M&M’s

An angrily tearful Tucker Carlson told his Fox News audience today that he is "fully, full-on committed" to finding cartoon candy mascots attractive, and sharing his frequent sexual fantasies about them, with his audience. "I don't care that Maya Rudolph...

MTG Uses Secret Jewish Space Laser to Pinpoint Ilhan Omar’s Antisemitism

The House Republicans took control of the lower chamber of Congress two weeks ago, and after much speculation, committee assignments have been made. Surprising very few people, alleged Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy (Q-CA) catered to factions within...

Confused MTG Gets Request from George Santos for House Drag Queen Story Hour

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) spoke to Fox News this morning about a slew of issues she and her fellow Republicans will tackle now that they have control of the House of Representatives, and have made their committee assignments....

Greene Will Chair House Subcommittee on Presidential Offspring Dick Pics

When Rep. Kevin McCarthy (Q-CA) squeaked through on his fifteenth attempt to secure enough support from his fellow Republicans to become Speaker of the House, speculation began almost immediately as to how he would decide committee assignments. Republicans have...
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Trump Pleaded the Fifth When Asked By NY AG If He Was Ivanka’s Lover, Father, or Employer

Recently, it was revealed that when he was deposed by the New York Attorney General in a case involving...
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