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You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...

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History

DeSantis: Florida History Books Must Remove White Wigs and Rouge from Images of Founders

With the stroke of his pen, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q) ordered all history...
History

Sorry Libs, You Have to Honor The Stupid Ones on Presidents Day, Too!

The following op-ed was written by Dustin Pewpsin, a conservative commentator. The views and...
History

DeSantis: NASA Has to Rename Black Holes Because All Holes Matter in Florida

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is on a mission to de-woke his state. During his terms...
History

Barack Obama Explains Why No Congressional Investigation Found Evidence He Tried a Coup

Shocking almost no one on Planet Not a Fuckwit, the January 6th Congressional Committee...
History

History: The Day a President Suffered Humiliating Insurrectile Dysfunction

In American history, there are many dates that carry more importance than others. July...
History

Historians Unearth Benedict Arnold’s PowerPoint Presentation

As it turns out, America's most infamous traitors perhaps might have one rather surprising...
History

Native Spends Columbus Day Telling Americans to Go Back Where They Came From

FALLBROOK, CALIFORNIA -- Tommy Curro, a member of the Pala Native American Tribe, made...
History

Where Does the Constitution Allow for Delusional Losers With Hurt Feelings to Be Reinstated?

Since November 2020, it's become increasingly apparent that millions of Americans are under the...
History

Texas Board of Education Eliminates Need to Teach Kids The South Lost

AUSTIN, TEXAS -- The Texas Board of Education, in a narrow, party line vote,...
History

Updated Rankings Show Trump Still 45th Most Intelligent Ex-President

Every four years, Americans go to the polls and cast their vote for president....
History

Boebert Introduces Bill Honoring Victims of 7/11 and the Bowling Green Massacre

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Freshman Congresswoman Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) hasn't done much by the way...
History

Flashback: Al Qaeda Votes to Block Formation of 9/11 Commission

As Senate Republicans inch closer to blocking the formation of the January 6th Commission...
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)