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You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...

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Criminal Justice

Three Top Attorneys Have Already Offered to Represent Trump for Free

The entire MAGA movement is on pins and needles. The other shoe seems poised...
Criminal Justice

Legal Experts Sharply Divided on Whether Trump Will Get Conjugal Visits With Ivanka

As the country braces for a potential arrest of former President Donald Trump, a...
Conservative Media

MTG Hopeful Tucker Carlson Only Shows January 6th Footage From Her Good Side

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) praised alleged Speaker Kevin McCarthy (Q-CA) for releasing more...
Criminal Justice

Gaetz Takes Date to Chuck E. Cheese to Celebrate Not Being Charged for Underage Sex Trafficking

It was truly a day of celebration for Rep. Matt Gaetz (Q-FL). Earlier in the...
Criminal Justice

Trump Pleaded the Fifth When Asked By NY AG If He Was Ivanka’s Lover, Father, or Employer

Recently, it was revealed that when he was deposed by the New York Attorney...
Criminal Justice

MTG Wants to Subpoena the President, CEO, and Captain of Antifa

This week, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) filed a bill in the House of...
Criminal Justice

Greene Can’t Recall What She Said She Can’t Recall About What She Said Five Minutes Ago

Last week, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) took the witness stand in the first...
Criminal Justice

Gaetz Was ‘Really Hoping’ House Would Decriminalize Weed and Sex Trafficking Minors

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last week, in a historic, but almost entirely party line vote,...
Criminal Justice

FBI Confirms Hunter Biden’s Laptop Didn’t Contain Any PowerPoints on Overthrowing Democracy

We still don't know what the contents of the infamous Hunter Biden laptop are,...
Criminal Justice

January 6th Committee Interested in How Many Pizzas Trump Ordered on Burner Phone

The January 6th Committee announced last night that it is extremely interested in reports...
Criminal Justice

A Second Grader Asked DeSantis Where Babies Come From. He Had Her Arrested.

This morning, while visiting an elementary school in Northern Florida, Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q)...
Criminal Justice

Florida Nun Unsure If She’ll Be Arrested After Teaching Students About the Immaculate Conception

"It's tough for me to know, legally speaking, if discussing statutory rape is kosher...
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)