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You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...

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Business

Local McDonald’s Offering Free Small Fry to Anyone Applying for Poverty Wage Job

DICK'S CREST, CALIFORNIA --  The local McDonald's franchise is, as their assistant manager described...
Business

GA Accuses Greene of Taking Tax Deductions on Two Separate Home Meth Labs

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- The State of Georgia is accusing one of its own congressional...
Business

Entire Population of The Dakotas Shuts Down Single Starbucks to Protest D.C. Statehood

Today, the House of Representatives voted along party lines to advance House Resolution 51,...
Business

Lindell Now Has to Sell MyPillows Out of His Car Trunk in Church Parking Lots

MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell told OAN this morning that because so many retailers have...
Business

Matt Gaetz Won’t Be Subway’s New Spokesperson After All

MILFORD, CONNECTICUT -- As of just three weeks ago, Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q-FL) was...
Business

MAGA Fan Will Boycott Coke and Drink Trump’s Piss Instead

FUCKWIT FALLS, NEW JERSEY -- Will Ricciarlumbo will never, ever put his lips to...
Business

He Hates Cancel Culture So He’s Boycotting Coke, MLB, Delta, and the 14th Amendment

SHITLIP, NEW JERSEY -- 27 year old Marcus Palumbo absolutely, positively hates "cancel culture."...
Business

Don Jr. Will Definitely NOT Be Boycotting Coke

LAKE STUPID, FLORIDA -- Claiming it would be "like Samson getting his hair cut,"...
Business

Rep. Greene Opening New Qrossfit Gym

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Never one to shy away from attempting to capitalize on her...
Business

Trump to Visit the Border Between Burger King and McDonald’s

"Someone of my stature, of my importance, should not have to wait even a minute for his Big Mac and his Whopper."
Business

MyPillow Guy and Marjorie Taylor Greene Share a Crack Dealer and Loyalty to Trump

On a recent episode of Steve Bannon's klan rally/podcast, Mike Lindell, founder and CEO...
Business

Robert T. Antifa is Tired of Liberals Calling His Very Real Organization ‘Just an Idea’

"I don't see Unicorn Farts or Loch Ness Monster Holdings, or the Catholic Church being treated with such disdain and fear."
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)