Conservative Media

Tucker Carlson Vows He’ll Never Stop Sexually Fantasizing About Cartoon M&M’s

An angrily tearful Tucker Carlson told his Fox News audience today that he is "fully, full-on committed" to finding cartoon candy mascots attractive, and sharing his frequent sexual fantasies about them, with his audience. "I don't care that Maya Rudolph...

Ben Shapiro’s Wife Volunteers Him to Dry Up California

Heavy rains in California have been battering the state off and on for over a week. The richest state in the nation has been pummeled to the point that Gov. Gavin Newsom (D) has issued a state of emergency...

D’Souza’s Documentary Claims 6 Trillion People Stuffed Ballots With Obama’s Birth Certificate

Right-wing media commentator, convicted felon, and manure magnate Dinesh D'Souza has a new documentary, and in it he claims to have evidence that more than six trillion "illegal Mexicans and illegal Meixcan-ish looking people" were hired by George Soros...

Ben Shapiro: “My Wife Told Me Not to Worry If I Can’t Find Her Clitoris, Someone Can”

Ben Shapiro can't find his wife's clitoris, and most nights he absolutely refuses to do so. However, according to Mr. Shapiro, his wife is "totally and completely okay" with that. This is all according to the latest episode of...

At Our Last Klan Rally, Tucker Carlson Promised Me He Isn’t Racist

The following editorial was submitted by Fritz Palumbozo, a self-described white nationalist and writer for The Dan Bongino Show. Mr. Palumbozo is a frequent contributor and guest on Tucker Carlson's show, and has been a close, personal friend of Carlson's...

I Sold Tucker The Butt Dildo He Needs to Get Hard. He Didn’t Seem Worried About Masculinity.

https://youtu.be/kEAxbv5Dkac Tucker Carlson needs a healthy prostate massage to get an erection. Before you get your knickers in a twist, let me just say that I'm not spreading rumors here. It can't be a rumor if I heard it right...

The Only Result I Got From Trying Tucker’s Teste Treatment Is My Balls Look Like Donald Trump

For most of my life, I have taken the advice of trusted medical professionals without much second thought. After the events of this week, though? I'm going to have to do a lot more research about whose advice I'm...

Bill Maher is So Sick and Tired of Millennial Liberals He May Stop Trying to Fuck Them One Day

For the better part of four decades, there have been fewer American liberals more vocal than Bill Maher. The comedian has had more than one politically-focused talk show on more than one media outlet, and in that time Maher...

When Glenn Greenwald Can’t Sleep, He Lays in Bed and Counts Dead Ukrainians

There is only one real, authentic, actual journalist left in the world. Luckily for humanity, Glenn Greenwald, Super Journalist, happens to have impeccable, flawless journalistic integrity, and if you don't believe him, Glenn will give you all kinds of...

Glenn Greenwald Only Drinks Wine at Least 30 Years Younger Than He Is

The World's Only Ethical Journalist, Glenn Greenwald, told Russian Marionet Magazine in a new interview that he's "still very committed to smugly pointing out the lies and propaganda of liberal journalists" while appearing on Tucker Carlson's show. Greenwald indicated that he...
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I Live in Arkansas. Can My 10 Year Old Work as a Bouncer at a Drag Bar?

I moved to Arkansas before I was a father, so I can't say that I'd even be thinking about...
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