Carly Fiorina Claims to Have Seen Proof That Moon Landing Was a Hoax

GOLDEN, IOWA — 2016 Republican presidential hopeful Carly Fiorina made headlines during the second televised GOP primary debate when she claimed to have seen a scene in the Planned Parenthood “sting” videos released by the right-wing anti-abortion group Center for Medical Progress that many media outlets have called an outright fabrication. Fiorina shrugged concerns of her possible mendacity and instead pivoted early this week to another topic — the 1969 moon landing of the Apollo 11 space craft — while at a campaign stop in Iowa.

“I have seen, with my own three eyes,” Ms. Fiorina told an assembled crowd in front of a Planned Parenthood clinic, “the things I described seeing in the Planned Parenthood videos, rest assured. But I have also recently been showing damning, conclusive evidence that the 1969 Apollo 11 moon landing was not only a hoax, but it was a hoax perpetrated by a young Kenyan boy of just eight years of age,” Fiorina teased before giving her audience what they wanted, “and yes, it’s that Kenyan boy I’m talking about, rest assured.”

According to Fiorina, shortly after the second Republican debate, “a man approached [her] with an iPad, queued up to a YouTube video called ‘The Moon Landing Was a Hoax Perpetrated By Obummer.'” In the video, Fiorina says she saw not only definitive proof that Obama’s birth certificate is “as phony as those abortion group’s Planned Parenthood videos” and that she also saw “irrefutable evidence that President Obama, then just eight years old, helped Saul Alinksy perpetrate a massive fraud on the American people called the Moon Landing.”

“The video is very clear, rest assured, in showing that Neil Armstrong was an Alinksy agent, and the person behind the camera, faking this supposedly huge accomplishment for the government — which we all know is evil — was none other than a young Barack HUSSEIN Obama,” Fiorina told the crowd. The former Hewlett-Packard CEO also said she will be releasing the video on her own campaign website, as well as hand out screen shots from the video at all her rallies. “We cannot let the government — and specifically this feckless so-called leader of ours — continue to tell lies about stuff.”

Fiorina said if there is “one thing [she] hate[s] about” people, it’s “when they are clearly lying about something and don’t fess up.” The current second place Republican candidate said that “when you can’t trust someone to tell you the honest truth, they are worthless as a president” before reminding the audience that she had “totally seen the things [she] said [she] saw in both the Planned Parenthood and moon landing hoax videos.”

“Rest assured,” Fiorina said, “I will not be one to lie to the American people. Rest assured, I will tell you exactly what I see with my own three eyes. Rest assured, there will never be a reason to doubt me, even when facts and evidence seem to completely contradict me. Rest assured,” Fiorina said, “I am the single-most honest person in the world. Just ask my best friends Beyonce Knowles, Stephen Hawking, and of course my bestest of best friends, President Chester A. Arthur.”

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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