WASHINGTON, D.C. — The clock on the office wall of Terry Hampton, a mid-level clerk in the Department of Overseeing and Adjusting, has not kept accurate time since the late 1990’s. Building maintenance and indeed Mr. Hampton himself aren’t quite sure why the clock has stopped ticking. Fresh batteries have been installed, all the gears have been cleaned and reinstalled, but no matter what efforts are outlaid, the clock remains stuck at 10:10 AM. Hampton says he knows he could have the clock removed, but he finds the conversations he has with it “quite amusing” and says he’d “hate to lose” those special times with his pal, Broken Clock.
Hampton told The Political Garbage Chute that the clock wanted to go on the record, and asked that he reach out to us. According to the clock, Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) deserves “tons of kudos” for his recent Senate floor fight to let the National Security Agency’s massive data collections program expire. The broken clock says that “it’s nice to see someone who is known more for his dalliances into conspiracy theories than actual, serious, governance” to “step up and get something right for a change” and the clock went on to say that Paul “may be wrong about vaccines, financial market regulations, gay marriage, and nearly every other topic, but he’s spot on when it comes to the NSA spying on us.”
The broken clock said that by his count, this is now the second time in a year or so that Rand has been “correct about anything.” The first time around, the broken clock says it was Senator Paul’s decision to join another favorite Senator of Broken Clock’s, Ted Cruz of Texas, on trying to get military sexual assault cases tried in civilian court. “I mean, just a couple of weeks ago Randy was spouting off from the mouth about some wild-eyed conspiracy theory he has about the Federal Reserve literally printing money to lobby against congressional oversight of the Fed,” Broken Clock told our reporter, “and now this week he’s actually helping an end a truly egregious and stupidly unnecessary overstep of governmental authority. He deserves so much credit for being right about this one, singular issue.”
“Sure, on nearly every relevant issue of the day, Randy is fronting the ideas of the past. Failed ideas, at that. And sure, for the most part he’s a tin-foil hat wearing conspiracy theorist with Alex Jones on his speed-dial,” Broken Clock said, “but shouldn’t all that crazy bullshit get wiped away by Rand being right about this one, pretty common sense issue? Shouldn’t we make Randy out to be the most wise, astute and and reasoned human being alive today because of his being right about this issue that is actually kind of a no-brainer, bipartisan issue,” asked the clock as our reporter ended the interview.
“Clearly, he’s fully qualified to hold the nuclear launch codes because despite years of documented disconnection from reality on a whole host of issues, he got this super-easy one right,” said Clock as we hung up the phone.