COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE — Jethro Bohiggins is not a fan of Barack Obama, and he’s not afraid for anyone to know that fact. However, the right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter recently told his audience that he found himself, suddenly, with a “grudging, but truly sincere gratefulness” toward the former president.
“For years I warned everyone that Obummer was gonna round us all up and put is in the FEMA centers he was building, and well, fam, I’m big enough to admit when I was wrong,” Jethro said on his podcast this morning. “Those FEMA centers are a good thing, it turns out, because that’s where Dear President Trump can stuff all the brown babies he’s kidnappin’ on account of all the national security-izin’ he’s gotta do because of all the Democrat obstruction on building his glorious wall!”
Bohiggins admits that “for eight years [he] railed and railed against Obummer’s FEMA camps,” but now he sees a “ton of wisdom” in them.
“Sure, he’s still a Sharia loving commie socialist Kenyan,” Jethro said, “but this whole thing is a good example of how much things can change over time. It’s also an example how President Trump just can’t help but improve on stuff Obama did wrong. Obama gave poor people access to healthcare, and Trump came along and told everyone it was bad without offering any better solutions. See? He fixes stuff; it’s just who he is, fam!”
When he thought the FEMA camps were being built to house conservative Republicans, Bohiggins says he was more outraged than on 9/11.
“I mean, it’s one thing to fly planes into our buildings, and it’s another to build concentration camps! In America? I think not,” Jethro said emphatically. “I remember quite vividly how I hated even the thought of concentration camps on American soil. It was bad enough that Democrat FDR did it to the Japanese Americans during World War II, but I would not let concentration camps be built and see conservatives thrown in them in my lifetime, by God!”
“Oh I love me some concentration camps. I mean, look, for first of off, we haven’t even established that concentration camps are concentration camps if they’re concentrating illegal Mexicans and/or illegal Mexican-looking individuals,” Bohiggins said. “But let’s just say they are concentration camps for a minute. I think there’s a big difference between imaginary camps built for imaginary conspiracy theories and doing your duty and rounding up brown people because you can, don’t you, fam? I know you must.”
Whether or not liberal Americans “want to admit it,” Jethro said, migrant children separated from their families “pose a grave threat to America.”
“Is there anything more threatening than a toddler? Is there anything more menacing than a nine year old poor brown kid,” Jethro asked rhetorically. “Don’t answer that; you don’t have to. We all know the logical answer, fam.”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because they have a definition of hate speech that includes “calling Ann Coulter the C-word.”