Boebert Grateful the ‘Gun Amendment is Second,’ Because If It Were Higher She Couldn’t Find It

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Freshman Congresswoman Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) told a group of gun manufacturer lobbyists this week that she “loves guns” and that while she’s in office she will “do everything and anything” to help the NRA and similar groups in any way she can. Boebert is such a fan of guns that she participated in congressional hearings remotely and had some of her own firearms displayed prominently, and she was even fined for attempting to circumvent capitol metal detectors.

Boebert has also repeatedly complained about not being able to carry her firearm at work.

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Reportedly, after Rep. Boebert gave a short four minute speech in which she exhausted every word in her vocabulary, there was a townhall held with the gun lobbyists. During that portion of the event, Boebert was asked about the Constitution, and what her favorite portions of it are. Without hesitation, she answered.

“The gun thing, for sure! I’m not really positive what else is in it,” Boebert replied, “but I definitely love the gun stuff!”

Boebert was then asked, what, specifically, she loves most about the “gun thing.”

“Well, the gun amendment is second, and I really truly love that,” Boebert replied. “Because I get lost and confused if I count much higher than that. Luckily for me, though, it goes: God and Jesus Are Supreme Amendment, and then the Gun Amendment. Bing-bang-boom, Constitutioning!”

Former half-term Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin was also in attendance at the event. Boebert thanked Palin while on stage for being “strong enough to blaze a trail backward for women everywhere.” As we reported earlier this year, Palin and Boebert are quite close, and Pailin even donated half her brain to Boebert so the new congresswoman could be twice as smart as she was before being elected.

“Last night, I worked with my incredible surgical team here at Robert E. Lee Memorial Hospital and successfully removed one half of the one-quarter of a brain that Sarah Palin has,” Dr. Benson Hornaydieux told reporters this morning. “I then gave that quarter brain to Ms. Boebert, and the results are, quite frankly, breathtaking.” (Pastiche Post)

Boebert, like all members of the House, will be up for re-election during next year’s midterms.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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