Boebert Gives Up Right to Vote, Bear Arms, & Hold Office Because the Constitution Never Changes

“The Constitution is not evolving. To say that spits in the face of every single one of our founders.” – Congressdumb Lauren Boebert (Q-CO), via Twitter

WASHINGTON, D.C. — It’s unclear when, but at some point in the next several days, freshman Congressdumb Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) will step down and resign her office. At the same time, Boebert will sign documents that legally surrender her rights to vote and own firearms.

This rather shocking and unforeseen development comes after Boebert made public statements on Twitter declaring that the Constitution of the United States “is not evolving.” In the same tweet, Boebert called suggestions that the Constitution is a living document an insult to “our founders.”

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Boebert’s tweet, is seen below.

Reports from Boebert’s office are that the backlash and response to her tweet put her in a state of reflection. After thinking about the subject for some time, and realizing that the Constitution is full of amendments which have drastically altered its original text, Boebert decided she needed to take a principled stand. That’s when she and her staff decided it was time for her to resign and give up her rights to vote and own guns.

A written statement from Boebert’s office was provided to the media.

“I have thunk all I can think about this issue, and after much considerateness, I have decided to take a stand, which is what we Republicans do. Unless it means standing up to King God Emperor Trump. Maybe the socialist forces of Libtardia have bastardized our Sacred Document in the past, but that does not mean I have to by those so-called amendments.

It’s time for me to make a sample out of myself. That’s why I’m quittin’ Congress and relinquishing my constitutional right to bare (sic) arms and the right to vote. If Thomas Jefferson didn’t want his slave rapes voting, then damn it, who I am to question him? I trust a man to know best how votes should be casted anyway!”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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