Senate Republicans Inserted Tax Cut Amendment That Dumps Six Million Dollars On Bob Corker’s Lawn Every Quarter

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the hours ticking into minutes, ticking into moments before the passage of a sweeping tax overhaul plan, it was still touch or go with a few Republican senators whose votes were needed to push President Trump’s highly touted reforms through Congress and onto his desk. Senator Bob Corker of Tennessee, who has said he will not seek re-election next year and that has tussled publicly with the president, was a long hold out.

A so-called “Corker Kickback” — a provision in the tax bill for greater write-offs for commercial land developers like Corker and President Trump —  inserted late in the game helped sweeten the deal enough for Corker to acquiesce and vote with his party. However, word out of the nation’s capital is that it took one more provision from his fellow Republicans to cajole Corker into coming along for the ride.

“We decided the American people were right, and the Corker Kickback was wrong,” Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell told reporters this afternoon.” Instead, we’ll just dump six million bucks on his front lawn every three months.”

McConnell says that he feels the Corker Dump Truck Full of Cash amendment “makes a lot more sense than other amendments.” Senator McConnell also said that he thinks it’s a “reasonable compromise for all parties involved.”

“And by all parties I mean Senator Corker and his accountant,” McConnell said, a smile on his face as he pulled his head back into his shell.


Donald Trump Really Happy President Donald Trump Wants to Slash His Taxes, Give Him Millions of Dollars

Senator Corker told the media when asked that he doesn’t see anything wrong with either the “kickback” or this new amendment.

“Look, I could’ve been a real nasty you-know-what and asked for a lot of money,” Corker said. “But I think six million is a nice, small, roundish number. It’s barely middle class income, really, if you think about it.”

Reached for comment, President Trump said this development is “good for every real American.”

“By real, of course, I mean super-duper rich. Like…bigly, bigly rich,” Trump said with a satisfied grin on his face.

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James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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