Bill Maher is So Sick and Tired of Millennial Liberals He May Stop Trying to Fuck Them One Day

For the better part of four decades, there have been fewer American liberals more vocal than Bill Maher. The comedian has had more than one politically-focused talk show on more than one media outlet, and in that time Maher has built himself a reputation for being loudly and proudly liberal, and in the early days of America’s response to the terror attacks of 9/11, Maher took a considerable amount of flak for being one of the first famous people to condemn the invasion of Iraq.

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In recent years, though, audiences have noticed that Maher has grown increasingly wary and critical of younger liberals, and he’s especially harsh on millennials and Gen Z progressives. On his HBO show, Maher routinely mocks liberals younger than he is for being “overly woke.” Appearing on a podcast this week, Maher seemed to take his criticism of millennial and younger liberals to a new level, and indicated he’s becoming so turned off by their politics, he’s getting dangerously close to being turned off to them sexually.

“New Rule: If you’re under 40, you don’t have any opinions unless I give them to you,” Maher told Shelley Fufelly on her Talkin’ It Out podcast yesterday. “I just don’t get why these young punk kids don’t understand that I’ve already had all the liberal thoughts they need to have, and I’m the true gatekeeper of morality and liberalism. I gotta say, it’s a real turn-off, too.”

Maher said that if younger liberals “don’t shut their sweet little hot mouths up” soon, he may have to drastically rethink his dating habits.

“I’m not sure if these young kids understand this, but they’re making an old, rich white man upset. That has had, and always will have dire consequences. First and foremost, I lose my boner when they start getting too woke, and no amount of Viagra and scotch will get it back,” Maher opined. “So, if these whippersnappers don’t start piping down and listening to their elder fondlers and cat-callers, then I’m gonna give up on them and stop trying to fuck millennials altogether.”

Maher thought about his threat for a second before adding a proviso.

“But, I mean, I’m not going to go-off half-cocked here, people. I’ll give these millennials time to adjust and come to their senses,” Maher amended his ultimatum, “and I’ll keep fucking them for the time being. I mean, there are girls just now starting high school that I might like to date, and I have to wait until they’re of-age anyway, so I might as well doink millennials and Gen Z’ers a little while longer, know what I mean? I’m hilarious.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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