Will Biden Make You Get Gay Married Before He Issues You a Vaccine Passport Printed by Antifa, Inc?

Rumors are starting to swirl around the Heartland and Bible Belt that the Joe Biden administration has been in talks with Antifa Inc’s CEO George Soros, and that a new , possibly quite nefarious, plan has been put in place. If it comes to fruition, the buzz is that every single man, woman, and child living in the United States will have their lives changed quite dramatically. Speaking to his radio audience this week, Alex Jones detailed what he’s heard about the Biden/Antifa Inc. plan, known in some circles as “Operation Force Everyone to Get Gay Married Before They Get a Vaccine Passport.”

“Folks! Let me tell you, you’re going to want to sit down and crack yourself open a nice, domestic lager from a real American patriotic brewery and prepare yourself,” Jones teased. “Operation Force Everyone to Get Gay Married Before They Get a Vaccine Passport is as real as the Loch Ness Monster and Trickle Down Economics.”

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In a nutshell, Jones explained, Biden intends to use the FEMA camps built during the Barack Obama presidency to round-up and temporarily detain every American citizen. The plan is to start with red states — states who gave their Electoral College votes to Donald Trump in 2020 — and systematically detain people city by city in the camps. Once interned, Americans will be given a simple choice — get gay married and get a vaccine passport, or stay in the camp and make Planned Parenthood brochures.

“One way or the other, you will comply,” Jones said, “or they will force you to live in a hell that nobody deserves to live in. So you’re either gonna walk out of that camp with Bill Gates’ 5G network buzzing in your veins and a new gay spouse, or you’ll work in their camps the rest of your life. I swear to God I heard this from the same people who told me Sandy Hook was a false flag…”

Jones was interrupted by his cell phone as his lawyer was calling him.

“Sorry, folks, I forgot I’m not allowed to say that. So, I, uhhh…I mean that it’s the same person who told me Pizzagate was very real,” Jones recovered. “YEAH! That’s the ticket! It was the Pizzagate guy. Anyway, the point is, this is all totally gonna happen this time; not like all the other times. And speaking of time, it’s time for me to try to sell you some herbal supplements and fish oil pills.”

We reached out to the Biden Administration for details on this operation. When the person who answered the phone stops laughing at us, we’ll update this story with the information provided.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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