Biden Tells Trump He’ll Race Him Upstairs to See Who Takes Cognitive Test First

The one thing it seems every Americans knows they need most isn’t food, clothing, shelter, or healthcare. It’s a constant, never-ending election cycle, and even though the next presidential contest is still more than a year and a half away, there’s already quite a bit of jockeying and campaigning being done.

Last week, former U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley announced that she was throwing her hat in the ring and challenging her former boss for the Republican nomination in 2024. In interviews, Haley took what some called a veiled swipe at former, one-term, twice permanently impeached President Donald Trump when she proposed that anyone over the age of 75 be given a standard cognition test to determine if they are mentally fit for office. While some wondered if other Republican candidates will have the stomach for attacking Trump directly or indirectly, the former reality-TV game show host used Haley’s suggestion to pivot toward an attack on President Joe Biden, suggesting that every candidate be given a cognitive test, and insulting Biden’s mental acuity as he did so.

This morning, President Biden surprised reporters when he met them on the White House grounds, just in front of a large flight of stairs leading to a balcony, and told them he was taking Trump up on his challenge. Biden did alter the arrangement slightly, however.

“Folks, listen, up at the top of that flight of stairs is a cognition test, and I am completely fine with taking it, Jack! But I wanted to have a little sporting competition with Mr. Trump,” Biden announced, “and so I am not going to take it until Donald agrees to race me upstairs. These stairs in fact. The first one to the top, gets to take the test first.”

Former President Trump posted on Truth Social that he’s open to the challenge, but wants to tweak it a little himself, first.

“I’ll do it, but only if Joe puts more incentive than a congo-nifty-tage test or whatever up there,” Trump wrote. “Everyone knows I need at least a 20 piece chicky nugs and a Big Mac to be fully motivated. That’s why Ivanka keeps a bag of McDonald’s on her bedside table for me. So if Sleepy Po-Peepy will put nuggies and a Big Mac up at the top of the stairs for inspiration, I’m in! I AM IN!”

@jamboschlarmbo Ice cold, Joe #Biden Ice cold. #political #satire #trump #nikkihaley #cognitivetest #politik #politics ♬ original sound – James Schlarmann

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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