Biden Transition Team Serves Trump With Eviction Papers

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today, the Biden transition team officially served outgoing one-term, permanently impeached lame duck President Donald J. Trump with official eviction papers that give him just over one month to “fully and completely vacate” from the White House premises.

According to the eviction notice, Trump will also lose his security deposit on the White House if he “doesn’t ensure all fart and Big Mac odors are fumigated” fully. Biden’s transition team served the eviction notice to Trump, citing the fact that all fifty states have certified last month’s election results, the Supreme Court denied a Texas motion to invalidate four states’ votes, and the Electoral College has officially voted for Biden to take over in January as their legal basis for evicting the current occupant. The Biden team noted that while this is the “first time any such measure has even been remotely necessary,” they believe their eviction notice is quite constitutionally sound and would be held up by any D.C. area civil claims court hearing Trump’s appeal of his eviction.

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“While we are certain this will not end up in any court room to be adjudicated,” the Biden transition team said in a press release accompanying the eviction papers, “it was important for us to ensure all our ducks were lined up. Technically, since the election was held, the votes were counted and certified, and the Electoral College cast its votes, there is literally nothing the Republicans can do besides waste people’s time on January 6th. However, we wanted to be prepared for the eventuality of the outgoing president refusing to leave, and so we served him with these papers today.”

The Biden team isn’t concerned at all about prevailing in court, either.

“We look at the Trump team’s current record throughout our judicial system and it only bolsters our confidence in prevailing in this matter as well,” the Biden statement reads, “The facts are that Donald Trump lost, which means he can whine and cry as much as he’d like, but one way or the other he will not be living in the White House after January 20th, 2021 at 12:01 PM Eastern Time. That much is known.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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