Biden Promises to Brief Greene, Boebert on Downed Aircraft as Soon as They Can Spell “UFO”

Congresswomen Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) and Lauren Boebert (Low IQ, CO) are demanding that President Joe Biden personally brief them on the multiple unidentified aircraft that have been shot down over North American skies in the last week. Today, President Biden addressed their demands.

“Look, folks, I want to give everyone the news. I want to inform everyone who wants to be informed about what’s going on with those aircraft we spotted and shot down,” Biden told reporters in the Oval Office during a signing ceremony this morning, “but when it comes to the horse faced lady and the nice young woman whose husband likes to flash his dingle-dangle at minors at bowling alleys, they need to show me they have a minimal level of literacy before I give them a briefing.”

Biden insisted he wasn’t “picking on or singling” Boebert or Greene out.

“I told Kevin McCarthy the same thing this weekend about pretty much 85% of his party’s delegation in the House,” Biden explained. “I just don’t think it does anyone any good to get a briefing on UFOs when they can’t even spell ‘UFO.’ Even if you give them a hint with ‘UF,’ Squirt!”

Despite protests from Greene and Boebert on their Twitter accounts that Biden was being “elitist” and “full of commie hate” toward them, Biden told the press he took an additional step to encourage them to take him up on his offer.

“Folks, now, you know I’m a reasonable gent. So I sent those nice Christofascist domestic terrorists copies of every Hooked on Phonics tape I could get back from Sarah Palin,” Biden divulged. “I know they can do this if they just buckle down apply themselves. It’s less than one letter per IQ point for them.”

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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