Biden Declares He Doesn’t ‘Give a Shit’ About How Big His Inaugural Crowd Size Was

WASHINGTON, D.C. — For many, many years how large a crowd was that gathered to watch a president be sworn-in was a matter of historical footnote, but one of major emphasis. That all changed about four years ago when President Barack Obama’s racist troll successor took office.

Today, as he entered the White House for the first time in four years, this time as the man who gets to live there, President Joe Biden surprised some of the reporters in the pool when he himself spoke about the size of the crowd that watched him be sworn-in just hours earlier.

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“I have no idea how many people were there, Squirt, and I don’t see myself caring about it any time soon. I’m sorry. I just don’t give a shit,” Biden explained. “It’s not the size of your crowd, Jack, it’s what you do with it that counts!”

Inauguration Day is always historic in nature, given that it represents either a transfer or continuance of power in the country that gave the world its modern notion of self-governance. Today was also significant historically because it marked the end of Twitter’s ban on American presidents having an account on their platform. The Pastiche Post reported on that story earlier today.

“While every single lifetime ban we put into place over the last few days and weeks will remain in place, the man who is the actual President of the United States is no longer permanently banned from Twitter,” this morning’s statement from the microblogging platform stated. “While the official head of the United States’ executive branch of government was, sadly, kicked off our site forever, it’s gratifying to know there was a way for us to get the President of the United States back on Twitter, and all we had to do was wait for him to take the oath of office.” (The Pastiche Post)

Joe Biden became the 46th President of the United States when he took the oath of office today.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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