Betsy Devos Confident She’s Leaving the Education Department in a ‘Much More Gooder Place’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — She was quite literally almost not confirmed, and for her entire tenure as this nation’s Secretary of Education, wealthy Republican donor Betsy Devos was the object of constant scorn and derision. This week, she announced she was leaving the Trump administration a couple weeks early, citing how disappointed she was with the president inciting a riot that resulted in an angry mob storming the capitol building.

Many have speculated that Devos, like many Trump cabinet officials in recent days who have also resigned early, is leaving her post so she doesn’t have to go on record supporting the removal of trump via the 25th Amendment. Regardless of whether that pans out, Devos told reporters as she was spotted carrying a box of her personal items out of the Education Department yesterday, that feels she accomplished a lot in her tenure. Devos suggested she improved the Department of Education quite a bit in her four years in service.

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“It was just too much. What the president did to stoke that crowd was too much,” Devos said, “Babies in cages in concentration camps I could understand, if not really enjoy being a part of. Intimating that there were good people chanting about Jews in Charlottesville? Totally fine. But this mob thing? Too far, Don. Too far.”

As disappointed as she is to leave the Department of Education, DeVos said she does think she and her team “roads to the task” and “did their jobs admiral-y.”

“For intensive purposes, I think I’m leaving the DOE in a much more gooder place than I when I found it,” Devos patted herself on the back. “There was quite a steep learning curve when I came into government, because honestly I wasn’t even sure what schools are for what they do. Now, I couldn’t be prouder of the fact that I bought my way into a high-level cabinet position, and the work I pretended to do while here.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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