Ben Shapiro’s Wife Volunteers Him to Dry Up California

Heavy rains in California have been battering the state off and on for over a week. The richest state in the nation has been pummeled to the point that Gov. Gavin Newsom (D) has issued a state of emergency as flooding has left roads and highways completely washed out. Viral videos on social media have shown cars in retail parking lots, nearly submerged by the onslaught of torrential downpours.

If Mrs. Ben Shapiro has anything to do with it though, the flooding should be a distant memory soon. Mrs. Shapiro sent Gov. Newsom an email last night, personally offering to drive or fly her husband, right-wing commentator and motor-mouthed fascist Ben Shapiro, into any and all areas of California that are the wettest and most flooded.

“This morning, the governor opened his email and was surprised to find that Mrs. Ben Shapiro has volunteered to personally deliver her husband to any areas that are heavily impacted by the storm waters,” Newsom’s office said in a written statement. “It’s her belief that her husband is well-equipped to have flooded areas completely dried out in almost no time at all.”

Mrs. Shapiro seemed eager to get her husband to the flooded parts of California as soon as possible. We received a copy of her email along with a few dozen other media outlets.

“Please, I beg you, Governor Newsom, take me up on my offer,” Mrs. Shapiro wrote. “Take Nobody is better at drying things out than my husband. It’s his most obvious and natural gift, of which there are really only a handful anyway. Plus, the sooner I get him drying out California, the sooner someone else can un-dry me. Mkthx, byeeeeee!”

Mr. Shapiro could not stop talking long enough to be reached for comment.

@jamboschlarmbo Thanks but no thanks, #BenShapiro #californiaflooding #satire #politicalsatire #politics #politik ♬ original sound – James Schlarmann

Follow James: PostTikTokTwitterInstagramFacebook

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This