Ben Carson: ‘I’m a Sycophantic Religious Asshole By Choice’

GREENFIELD, MI — On a recent campaign stop in Greenfield, Michigan, Dr. Ben Carson took the time to further apologize and clarify remarks he made inferring that because some men enter into homosexual relationships in prison that means every gay person is choosing to be so. The remarks got him into quite a bit of hot water, and many speculate that this was the moment the country saw Carson — the evangelical regular on Fox News — as someone not to take as a serious candidate for the 2016 presidential election.

Though he later issued an apology on his Facebook page in which he said “I do not pretend to know how every individual came to their sexual orientation,” clearly Carson’s camp has been rocked by the candidate’s decision to make a statement about homosexuality that simply does not correlate with modern views as well as social and biological scientific fact. So that’s why in Greenfield, Carson tried to further mend the fence he put up between himself and the LGBT community.

“I really am truly sorry for all of this,” Carson said outside an area Shaky’s Pizza. “I mean, I’m mostly sorry that I can’t just be freely homophobic anymore. I’m sorry that I’m being forced, like so many Americans, to be nice to LGBT people and not let my dogmatic religious principles cause them harm,” Carson paused, “but I also am very sorry if I hurt any gay feelings out there. I know how sensitive you guys all are. Probably from being overly-loved by your mothers or being allowed to try on her dresses or something like that, right?”

Carson later said that maybe he was “projecting” his personality onto the gay community. “You see, I can’t help but feel like everything we do is a conscious choice, because I define my life by the conscious I make to believe the world is about 6,000 years old, that a man was born on this Earth who was the literal son of God, that he was put here by way of a virgin’s womb, and that he literally died and rose again to cleanse us all from our sins. When you build your entire life around such a conscious choice to eschew facts and common sense, you might tend to feel everyone does the same thing.”

“I’m a sycophantic religious asshole by choice,” Carson would tell reporters, “and so I just assumed that people choose to be gay in the same way.” One reporter asked Carson if by his logic that meant he was gay for Jesus. “Um, I, uh, well. Um. Uh,” was his official reply.

Dr. Carson placed well below the front runners in the recent Conservative Political Action Committee (CPAC) straw poll that pitted various Republicans against each other. Senator Rand Paul won the poll, with Carson finishing near the bottom.