Awkward Backstage Emmys Moment When Confused Spicer Attempted Fellatio on Alec Baldwin

HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA — There was an awkward moment backstage during the 69th Primetime Emmy Awards. The show was hosted by veteran funnyman Stephen Colbert, and saw several of its participants taking various shots at President Donald Trump. In a surprise moment, however, one of the Trump Administration’s former officials appeared in a comedic cameo appearance. Former Press Secretary Sean Spicer appeared onstage behind a motorized podium — a reference to the “Saturday Night Live” sketches in which Melissa McCarthy would play Spicer — and said a quick couple lines of dialogue.

Backstage, after Spicer’s appearance, however, things got more than a little weird between Spicer and someone who one an Emmy last night, actor Alec Baldwin. Mr. Baldwin received an Emmy for his portrayal of Trump during last year’s season of SNL. Reportedly, Spicer was confused when he saw Baldwin, and began talking to him as if the actor were the real Donald Trump.

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“Sir! I can’t believe it! I’m so happy to see you here, Mr. President,” Spicer was seen saying to a rather confused looking Baldwin.

“Saturday Night Live” has lampooned American presidential administrations since its inception, when comedian Chevy Chase would portray then President Gerald Ford, often stumbling, tripping, and prat falling all over the stage. Dana Carvey made himself famous playing, among other people, President George H.W. Bush, and Will Ferrell would play Bush’s son, George W. Bush, so well that he’d take his impression to Broadway and win an Emmy for it. Baldwin’s Trump impression gained world recognition and was a regular feature during the election and after.

“Sean, I’m sorry I think you’ve gotten me mistaken for…whoah! What are you doing, dude,” Baldwin leaped backward as Spicer dropped to his knees, pawing at the actor’s groin region.

Unrelenting, Spicer kept advancing toward Baldwin’s crotch. Spicer would move closer, Baldwin back away. Spicer would move closer still, flailing his hands and making fish-like faces with his mouth, and Baldwin kept backing away.

“Please! Sir, just let me get my mouth around your cack-coke-cork-cuck-PENIS,” Spicer begged, “like old times! I’ve craved the orange sauce since I left. It’s the only thing that I can take to help me forget about just how much of my soul I sold to work for you, sir!”

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Baldwin and several celebrities tried to explain to Spicer that he wasn’t speaking to the actual president, but Spicer wasn’t understanding. Over and over again he’d attempt to unzip Baldwin’s pants and get the veteran actor’s penis into his own mouth, and every time he’d be batted away. Finally, security was called and Spicer was ushered out of the theater.

“Hey, I felt bad for the guy,” Baldwin said, “but for starters, he had the wrong guy, and secondly, these award shows are for Hollywood to blow itself, not for outsiders to blow us. That’s reserved for every other day of the year.”

The White House did not comment on this story.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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