HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA — The classic action comedy television show known as “The A-Team” has officially been given a reboot, with perhaps some surprising updates and surprises in store for its fans. In a press release, NBC Entertainment announced that it was rebooting the classic 1980’s TV show, but with several fresh twists.
The first change fans will notice is that the show is no longer about a team of disgraced Vietnam Era vets trying to clear their name for a crime they didn’t commit, and instead is about a group of disgraced government officials trying to cover-up the crime they may or may not have committed during the 2016 presidential campaign. The key characters will be picked from Co-President Donald Trump’s cabinet, campaign, and transition team.
“NBC is pleased to announce that one of our flagship shows from the 1980’s is coming back, but with several fun new twists,” the press release stated, “and we just know that everyone will fall in love with The B-Team.”
The main character will be Trump himself, but he’ll go by the nickname “Hannibal,” an homage to the cold-blooded sociopath and killer Hannibal Lecter from “The Silence of the Lambs.” Kellyanne Conway will play “Skeleton Face,” an “expert in the art of lying, bullshitting, and hoodwinking,” according to the IMDb page for the show. Senior Policy Adviser and Nazi Vampire Czar Stephen Miller will play “Howling Mad” Miller, a man with obvious and severe mental health problems, and he told reporters he felt he was perfectly cast.
Dr. Ben Carson will play “the black one,” as Trump described it at a press conference announcing the show. Sean Spicer will play a small, overly aggressive, incessantly barking dog that no one really likes. To avoid conflicts of interest, Trump and his administration have agreed to donate all their salaries from the show to charity.
“The Trump Foundation will be the recipient,” Trump said, “and so you know it’s a charity near and very dear to my heart. We’ll make sure the money gets put to very, very good use. I hear we need a new, sixteen-foot tall painting of me as president. So, bip-bam-boop, I’ll get one.”
Unlike The A-Team, The B-Team will not be the best at what they do. They’ll be the worst, actually.
“You might even find yourself wondering how half these people even got the jobs they have,” one executive said on a conference call, “they’re literally the worst human beings doing jobs in the worst way possible. Must see TV, really.”
The show’s producers have intimated that they expect “millions and millions of people will hate these characters and wish they could re-cast them almost as soon as the show starts.” NBC anticipates canceling the show from viewer outrage fairly early in its run, but is still hopeful it will generate enough revenue so that its producers can buy some more homes, which they say would be “very cool.”