James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Trump Says He’s ‘Heard Good Things’ About Treating Coronavirus With Blowtorches and Flamethrowers

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump continued to give unlicensed medical advice and consultation ...

CDC Urges Trump Supporters to Stop Sharing Hoods

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what has been one of the busiest and most critical ...

White House Adds Drs. Giuliani, Hannity, and Lahren to Coronavirus Task Force

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced today that his coronavirus response task force ...

Pat Robertson Blames Coronavirus on 2015 Supreme Court Gay Marriage Decision

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA — The United States Supreme Court ruled in favor of marriage ...

Trump Tells Gaetz and Nunes to Put On Masks and Gloves Before Licking His Balls

WASHINGTON, D.C. — When Congressmen Matt Gaetz (R-Floriduh) and Devin Nunes (R-Stupid as Fuck) ...