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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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Arts & Entertainment

DeSantis Demands Disney World Close ‘It’s a Small World’ Because It Promotes Woke Globalism

"...the only black automatons we tolerate are Candice Owens and Ben Carson." - Gov....
Immigration

Greene Wants Answers from Biden About 16 Trillion Illegal Immigrants Crossing Border

Congresspony Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) lashed out at the Biden administration today for what...
U.S. Politics

Klansman Supports Florida Republicans Banning Democratic Party From the State

"I am not quite sure why that nice, young man who looks like a...
Arts & Entertainment

DeSantis Vows to Force Disney to Turn Aladdin’s Genie White

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (Q) knows what Americans, not just Floridians, want and need...
Conservative Media

In Dominion Testimony, Rupert Murdoch Admitted He Knew Tucker Carlson Fucks Sheep

"...but obviously only the white ones." - Rupert Murdoch, referring to Tucker Carlson during...
Business

Disney World Adds 300% ‘Christofascist Dystopia’ Fee to All Park Admission Prices

This week, Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL) finished his hostile takeover of the Reedy Creek...
Conservative Media

Scott Adams Can Still Run His “Dilbert” Comics on the Back of KKK Pamphlets

Cartoonist Scott Adams' "Dilbert" comic strip has been pulled from several major publications recently...
LGTBQ+

Tennessee Republicans Declare All Children’s Genitals State Property

A new bill just passed both chambers of the Tennessee state legislature and is...
U.S. Politics

DeSantis Slams NYC’s Lack of Meth-Fueled Nazis Harassing School Teachers

"...there's a governor in this country who understands and appreciates the value of Jesus...
MAGA News

George Santos: “I Never Would Have Invented Locomotives if I Knew Biden Would Let Them Crash!”

Rep. George Santos (Q-NY) told reporters today that he has "many, many, many regrets"...
MAGA News

My Kids and I Are Breathing Toxic Soup and It’s Your Fault. But Thanks for the Branded Water?

The following was sent to our editorial board from Clark Sparkler, a lifelong resident...
Lifestyle

Should We Do Civil War II Because a Horse Faced Lady Doesn’t Like How the First One Went?

I will be the first to admit that I don't know everything. In fact,...
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)