James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Pat Robertson: “You Will Go To Hell for Loving Baby Yoda and Baby Jesus”

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA — Televangelist Pat Robertson has a stern warning for Christians who ...

Is Your Rascal Scooter Fully Charged In Preparation for a Second Civil War?

The President of the United States is currently the subject of an active impeachment ...

Lahren Defends George Floyd’s Killer: “Blue Kneels Matter More”

LA VALLE RUBIA PINCHE PUTA, CALIFORNIA — Fox News contributing racist Tomi Lahren has ...

Twitter to Start Putting “Emotionally Fragile Idiot” Label on Trump Tweets

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — Yesterday, for the first time ever, Twitter applied real-time ...

Poll: Majority of Americans Wish Trump’s Mom Had Been Pro-Choice

As the election draws closer, there’s little doubt that President Donald Trump believes he’s ...

Trump Declares Houses That Worship Him “Essential”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today, the President of the United States of America declared the ...

Trump Threatens To Withhold Funding From Any State That Lets Democrats Vote

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Elections in this country are run and officiated by state governments, ...