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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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Criminal Justice

President Brandon Promises to Go Visit Trump in Jail

Yesterday, history was made when the New York City District Attorney filed 34 indictments...
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Emails a Copy of Trump’s Indictment to Hunter Biden’s New Laptop

This morning, sources close to the situation are reporting that former Secretary of State...
Business

DeSantis Bans Minecraft Because ‘Kids Can Get Hoes’ In It

Gov. Ron DeSantis of Florida has used much of his second term in office...
Criminal Justice

QAnon Shaman Released From Prison Early and Sent to Halfwit House

Jacob Chansley, the self-appointed "QAnon Shaman" who helped storm the nation's capitol on January...
Business

Musk Unsure Whether to Skip Child Support or Twitter Loan Payment This Month

Recently, billionaire hair plug recipient Elon Musk revealed that he believes Twitter has lost...
Tech

Musk Wants to Charge $500 to Delete Twitter from Your Phone

In a sign that things might not be going so well at Twitter after...
Pew Pew!

After TN Christian School Shooting, NRA Wants Armed Gods in the Classroom

By now, most Americans have realized that mass shooting events at schools are just...
History

Who Got Paid More to Suck Trump’s Dick: Stormy or Jim Jordan?

As far as the world can tell, there are two people who we can...
Arts & Entertainment

Ben Shapiro Shocked His Wife Has This In Common With Every Transgender Woman

"It turns out, I can't make any of their pussies wet either." - Ben...
Criminal Justice

Trump Confident All His Kids He Wants to Fuck Will Visit Him in Prison

"For starters, we'll probably end up in the same prison system, so it's not...
Arts & Entertainment

DeSantis Bans Depictions of Nude Baby Jesus in Florida

Just hours after a Tallahassee school principal was fired because parents complained their children...
Criminal Justice

Central Park 5 Take Out Full Page NYT Ad Demanding Trump’s Arrest

Five men falsely accused of a 1989 rape and assault of a jogger in...
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)