James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Trump Tells Gaetz and Nunes to Put On Masks and Gloves Before Licking His Balls

WASHINGTON, D.C. — When Congressmen Matt Gaetz (R-Floriduh) and Devin Nunes (R-Stupid as Fuck) ...

NRA President Says Obama Confiscated So Many Guns, Americans Were Left Defenseless Against Coronavirus

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA — NRA CEO and Executive Vice-President Wayne LaPierre told various gun manufacturers ...

Jesus Christ: “Dude, What The Fuck’s Up With The MyPillow Guy?”

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY — This week, Jesus Hubert Christ was overheard talking to ...

Coronavirus Update: Trump Officially Moves Easter to June 5th

WASHINGTON, D.C — This weekend, President Donald J. Trump extended the federal stay-at-home guidelines ...

Trump Brags That Obama ‘Could Never Have as Many COVIDs’ As He Has

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump is still attempting to guide the country through ...

CDC Says Coronavirus Feeds Off Trump’s Ego

ATLANTA, GEORGIA — Researchers at the Centers for Disease Control have announced what they ...