James Schlarmann

Ted Cruz: “Did Biden Forget Real Presidents Only Use the State of the Union to S Their Own D?”

Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) was not a fan of President Joe Biden's first State of the Union Address, however that is probably as surprising as finding out that a week's worth of Taco Bell will give you diarrhea as...

Trump Plans to Be Sitting on His Fat Ass While Brandon Delivers State of the Union Address

https://youtu.be/8FNPu6z_l8g While President Brandon is delivering the very first State of the Union Address of his presidency, one twice-permanently impeached, defeated ex-president will be doing what sources tell us he does the best. On the condition of anonymity and Bass Pro...

New Biden Sanctions Cut Off Putin’s Supply of Republican Blowjobs

https://youtu.be/pRO8mEygMUc Within hours of Russia launching its full-scale invasion of Ukraine, the United States and its western allies had levied massive financial sanctions on Vladimir Putin and key Russian officials and oligarchs. The value of the ruble has plummeted in...

Fox News Now Offers a Convenient Russian Language Audio Feed for Pro-Putin Viewers

https://youtu.be/OfemKaGf1zo Executives at Fox News have given their approval to spend the funds needed to establish a new audio feed for all their broadcasts, according to several sources with knowledge of the situation. Beginning this weekend, Fox News viewers will be...

Ghost of General Lee to Appear at 2022 CPAC

https://youtu.be/rHgXOTq99mA This weekend, conservatives from all over America will meet in the one place they feel most comfortable that isn't a klan rally -- CPAC. As is ever the case, the list of invited speakers is quite head-turning and noteworthy. The...

NY Attorney General Explains Why She’s Not Forcing The Obamas to Sit For Deposition

https://youtu.be/3PSRfrQKtAI This week, a New York Supreme Court judge ruled that former President Donald J. Trump and two of his spawn must sit down for deposition, under oath, with the New York Attorney General's office. The order stipulates that the Trump...

Biden Gave January 6th Committee Thousands of Nude Images of Ivanka Left Behind By Trump

https://youtu.be/rlontZVFkgw This week, President Joe Biden denied his predecessor's request to extend executive privilege over documents related to the failed insurrection of January 6th, 2021. While not surprising, Biden's decision to hand over communications to and from former, one term, twice...

Eric Trump Wants to Know Why White People ‘Aren’t Allowed to Commit White Collar Crimes’

In an interview on Sean Hannity's Fox News evening show, former President Don Trump's third-most intelligent son asked a direct question that the host couldn't answer. "Tell me something, Sean. I want you tell me something. Why is New York...

Trump: Bengals Lost a ‘Rigged’ Super Bowl When Officials Kept Counting the Rams’ Points

https://youtu.be/drebWBypJAo FARTS-A-LOT-THOUGH, FLORIDA -- In his mind, the Cincinnati Bengals won the Super Bowl last night, and former President Donald Trump is lashing out against the NFL for letting the Los Angeles Rams "win a sham and rigged contest" instead....

Report: Trump Tried to Flush Ivanka and Jared’s Wedding License Down White House Toilet

New York Times reporter Maggie Haberman has a new book out that details events and information she was privy to during the Trump administration, but decided to withhold from the American people so she could profit from them. One particularly interesting...

About Me

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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