James Schlarmann

I Attended an Orgy With Madison Cawthorn and Putin Really Seemed to Enjoy His Mouth

Allow me to say from the start that I understand it sounded pretty crazy and unrealistic when Rep. Madison Cawthorn (Q-NC) was recorded on video telling constituents and fundraisers that since he's been in Washington, he's been invited to...

Study of Mitch McConnell’s DNA Might Prove Existence of Racist Sperm

The National Research Labs of America published results of a new study this week that could, after peer review, disprove one of the longest held notions about the phenomenon of human racism. Dr. Benson Hornaydieux, Chief Executive Officer and...

Ted Cruz Wants to Know Whether He Can Identify as a Man If He Gets His Balls Back From Trump

If his recent actions are to be taken at face value, it would appear that Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) may be going through a time of inner-reflection and self-discovery, and that his introspection may have led him to question...

Ted Cruz Asks Jackson Why She Helped George Soros Create CRT And If Benghazi Was Involved

Things once more got extremely heated today when Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) questioned Supreme Court nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson during her confirmation hearing in the Senate Judiciary Committee. This time, Cruz was insistent that Judge Jackson "simply must be...

Kavanaugh Tells Jackson All Supreme Court Justice Have to Pass a Breathalyzer Before Hearings

This morning, Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh emailed Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson to "give some pointers" and "do a little bit of pre-orientation" with her. Judge Brown is President Joe Biden's first Supreme Court nominee, and would fill an...

Twitter Says Babylon Bee Can Have Its Account Back When It Switches from Hate Speech to Satire

Alleged comedic website The Babylon Bee had access to its Twitter account temporarily suspended this weekend for breaking the social media site's Terms of Service. When it published a headline calling Assistant Health Secretary Rachel Levine, a transgender woman, their "Man of...

Recently Orphaned Ukrainian Grateful Glenn Greenwald Sticks Up for Tucker, Tulsi, and Putin

Less than a month ago, Russia began its illegal invasion of Ukraine, and in that time much devastation and destruction has been wrought. In the fog of war, getting accurate numbers is always a challenge, but independent reports are...

Jesus Warns His Trans Little Children to ‘Stay the Fuck Away’ From the Bible Belt

https://youtu.be/MpaK48NMrTU KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Jesus Hubert Christ, son of Larry "God" Schumway, and Vice President of Holy Trinity, Inc., held an urgent press conference this morning. Christ urged any and all parents of transgender children living in the...

Matt Gaetz Worried He’ll Have to Leave Florida if “Don’t Say Gay Bill” is an Anti-Grooming Law

https://youtu.be/DTzN96LBjJg Friends and associates of Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q-FL) -- both of them -- have indicated he is anxiously awaiting the fate of Florida's controversial so-called "Don't Say Gay" bill. Though Gaetz is not himself an out member of the...

Dems Offer to Exchange Jackson’s LSATs for Kavanaugh’s BAC the Night He Assaulted Blasey Ford

https://youtu.be/KpyFDvoO8UU When President Joe Biden nominated Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson to replace retiring Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer, not many on the Hill expected Republicans to just roll over without a fight and let her onto the bench without smearing...

About Me

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
2820 POSTS
3 Comments
- Advertisement -spot_img

Latest News

Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
- Advertisement -spot_img