James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler

Want to Read Some Excerpts From The New Bible Trump Is Selling?

When one looks at the life and times of Donald J. Trump, one can't help but get the image of a truly Christ-loving, America First patriot. At least that's what those of us who have had a brain lobe removed and/or who listened to...

I Applaud Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Efforts to Free My Antifa Brethren From Jail

"...imagine my shock and surprise when Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene started her attention whoring campaign and kept talking about my captured Antifa brethren." Just over three years ago, an angry, unruly mob attacked the nation's capitol. Very few in our government had the kind of...
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Eric Trump Worried He Won’t Get To Go Down Big Slide After McConnell Cancels August Recess

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A worried and anxious Eric Trump bounded into the Oval Office...

Betsy DeVos Unveils “Every Child Left Behind” Educational Reform Program

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This week, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos announced a new educational...

Historians Discover George Washington’s Long Lost Weed Stash

FREDERICKSBERG, VIRGINIA -- In an extremely unforeseen development, President George Washington's personal cache of...

Economists: Legal California Marijuana Will Make In ‘N’ Out Richer Than God By 2028

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Economists at the National Institute of Cash Money released...

Eagles Will Join Obama For Backyard BBQ

PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA -- President Donald Trump has officially disinvited the Philadelphia Eagles football team...

Florida Teen Skirts Waiting Period and Performs Own Abortion With AR-15

LAGO DEL DESESPERACIÓN, FLORIDA -- Back in April of this year, 28 year old nurse...

President Hillary Clinton Officially Pardons Herself For Benghazi, Emails, Secret Assassinations

BIZARRO WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, in the Alternate White House, Alternative President Hillary...

Trump Asks Ivanka To Be ‘Fill-in Melanie’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump reached out his First Lady today and asked her...

Man Not Convinced He Made Right Smartphone Purchase Until He Sends First Unbidden Digital Penile Image With It

LAKE TALLAWAKUR, FLORIDA -- Though he says at this point he's "about 85 to...

Astronaut Admits He Faked Moon Orgasm

WINDY FALLS, MINNESOTA -- For years, Commander Glenn Mitchum has dined out on the...

Ted Cruz Wants NASA to Turn Old Shuttles into Chick-Fil-As

This story first appeared on The Political Garbage Chute. WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX)...

Town Trump Supporter Plans Switch From Keystone Light To Ambien For A Better Night’s Racism

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- When Jehtro Bohiggins logged onto Twitter early one morning...

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Want to Read Some Excerpts From The New Bible Trump Is Selling?

When one looks at the life and times of Donald J. Trump, one can't...

I Applaud Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Efforts to Free My Antifa Brethren From Jail

"...imagine my shock and surprise when Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene started her attention whoring...

What If Trump Uses Ivanka’s OnlyFans to Payoff His Rape, Defamation, and Fraud Fines?

"...it turns out Eric Trump  spent all his money this week on magic beans...

I Asked This Grand Wizard Why He’s Voting for Donald Trump and Not the Democrat

Ask any evangelical, Christian conservative and they'll tell you without batting a single eyelash...