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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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U.S. Politics

Klansmen Already Lined Up Around Supreme Court Building Wanting To Apply For Kennedy’s Seat

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Within moments of Justice Anthony Kennedy announcing his retirement at the...
MAGA News

Trump Declares Restaurants “No Free Speech Zones”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Americans dining out are no longer permitted to speak or think...
MAGA News

Trump Signs Executive Order Reversing President of Texas’ Immigration Policy

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump took the unusual step of issuing...
Travel

AAA Releases Guide For Black Travelers To Avoid Areas Where It’s Illegal To Impersonate White Behavior

HEATHROW, FLORIDA -- Ahead of the summer travel season, the American Automobile Association has...
Food and Dining

Sarah Huckabee Sanders Invited To Dine At Reserved Trough In Virginia Restaurant

BOVINE VALLEY, VIRGINIA -- Friday night, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was asked by...
MAGA News

Trump Orders Congress To Make “Fascist Toady” Protected Class Like Race, Religion, Sexual Preference

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump issued an "Official Presidenting Decree" from the Oval Office...
MAGA News

White House: Melania’s Jacket Was ‘Just Issuing Orders’

  WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, the White House once again waded into the controversy...
Lifestyle

Couple Totally Not on Same Page About Which Content to Stream While Absent Mindedly Fucking

WINDY BEACH FALLS, VIRGINIA -- Skip and Jerry Lawson have been married for fifteen...
Arts & Entertainment

Melania Trump Announces New Fashion Line of Jackets With Phrases On Them

  WASHINGTON, D.C. -- First Lady Melania Trump ruffled feathers when she showed up unannounced...
Immigration

8 Year Old Honduran Girl Knew What To Expect In Concentration Camp From Yelp Review of Trump Hotel

RIO ESTUPIDO, TEXAS -- An eight year old girl from Honduras who was temporarily...
MAGA News

Scientists Unable to Isolate Genetic Difference Between Corey Lewandowski and Bucket Of Luke Warm Diarrhea

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The nation's leading scientists have been unsuccessful thus far in their...
Arts & Entertainment

Nickelodeon Finally Reveals Secret Ingredient In Green Slime: Uncut Colombian Cocaine

LAKE BUENA VISTA, FLORIDA -- If you grew up in the 1980's or 1990's...
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Latest articles

Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)