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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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Sports

Penn State Inducts Rep. Jim Jordan Into Wrestling Hall of Fame

STATE COLLEGE, PENNSYLVANIA -- The Pennsylvania State University athletics department has announced its 2018...
MAGA News

Trump Will Deliver Gettyscheeseburger Address At Site Of Bloodiest Second Civil War Battle

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump will travel to the site of the bloodiest battle...
History

Department of Defense Releases First Day Casualty Count From Dems’ Second Civil War

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The U.S. Department of Justice has issued its first preliminary casualty...
MAGA News

Trump Asks Putin If It’s Okay For Him To Celebrate American Independence Day

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This Independence Day morning, President Trump started his day by deviating...
MAGA News

Trump Releases Updated List Of Potential Replacements for Justice Kennedy

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump has been teasing the American public with small glimpses...
Economy

Citing Budget Deficit, Trump Enacts Tariff On Free Speech

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump issued an executive order today that placed a...
MAGA News

Trump Tweets That The ‘Maple Mexican Attack On Our Economy From the North’ Must Be Stopped

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump amplified his heated rhetoric toward Canada with a...
U.S. Politics

Trey Gowdy Repeatedly Shouts ‘Show Me The Benghazi!’ At FBI Director, Deputy Director For 10 Minutes

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- According to several sources close to the scene, Rep. Trey Gowdy...
Religion

14 Year Old Girl Assures Trump and Pence She Wasn’t Really Using Her Reproductive Rights Yet, Anyway

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A 14 year old girl visiting the president and vice president...
Lifestyle

WTF? This Guy Just Told His Girl He Appreciated Her And They Weren’t Even Going To Fuck!

PORT AUBURN, WISCONSIN -- Local authorities are still trying to piece together exactly what...
World News

Trump Says Picking Kennedy’s Replacement Will Be Top Agenda Item In Summit With Putin

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump announced today that he will be meeting with...
MAGA News

Trump Promises To Replace Kennedy With Middle Of The Road Misogynist Corporate Toady and Religious Zealot

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As the country girds its collective loins for the knockdown, drag-out...
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)