James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However, now that I'm going to be bogged down with extra paperwork if I do, I can say pretty unequivocally we likely won't be rolling through the state any time soon." You...

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I hadn't seen in the previous six thousand times I've looked at them." To this very moment, I'm really not sure why she called me, of all people. We're not friends; we're...
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Government Archivists Discover Original, All-Caps Declaration of Independence

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Bob Mueller Walking White House Grounds Looking For Good Stakeout Point Ahead Of Putin Visit

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Ted Cruz Wants NASA to Turn Old Shuttles into Chick-Fil-A’s

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBwIX4ypQjM WASHINGTON, D.C. -- During yesterday's quickly assembled meeting at the White House, President Trump...

Latest articles

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...

Because of DEI, My Black Friends Don’t Like My Confederate Flag Collection No More

The following editorial was written by right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Q. Bohiggins. The...

The Easter Bunny Plans to Give Plan-B and Contraceptives to Red State Teenagers

"Did you know there have already been thousands of rape pregnancies as a result...