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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the due process and trial he's deserved his entire life." Life is funny sometimes. If you had asked me a few years ago, hell, even a few days back, if I thought...
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MAGA News

While Punching Orphan In The Face And Spitting On Nun’s Tits, Trump Complains of ‘Overly Negative Press’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump is truly and utterly confounded by what he...
History

Local Trumper Shocks Town When He Demands They Take Down Statue Of Robert E. Lee

HOBART, ARKSANSAS -- Clem O'Connell loves American history, and he considers himself a "foreskin...
MAGA News

Barack Obama: “I Bet That Punk Ass Beta Cuck Male Stephen Miller Can’t Hold His Breath For 10 Minutes Straight”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, NBC News reported that White House Senior Policy Adviser,...
Arts & Entertainment

West Hollywood Offers Trump’s Walk of Fame Star to Lebron James

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || ).push({}); WEST HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA -- The West Hollywood City Council has...
Conservative Media

Alex Jones’ Material Is Now Only Available in KKK Pamphlets And Dietary Supplements He Hands You As He Checks You Out At WalMart

IDIOTIC FUCKFACE, TEXAS -- Deep in the heart of Texas, right-wing media mogul and...
MAGA News

Trump Admits He’s Just Jealous of the Size of Lebron James’ Bank Account

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last Friday, Donald Trump -- the most powerful man in the...
Pew Pew!

Man’s Phallus Completely Deflates After Confusing Stomach Pump For Penis Pump

BENT ROD, OREGON -- It was not supposed to happen like this, Chad Stiffington...
Tech

Software Company Develops Real-Time App To Alert Viewers When Sarah Huckabee Sanders Is Lying

SWILLY CORN, VALLEY -- A software development company has released a new application they...
MAGA News

Lying Sack Of Shit Working For Obnoxious Asshole Who Spread Racist Rumor For a Decade Has Feelings Too, Apparently

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Despite being a combative, curt, condescending, tantrum throwing, filibustering, intellectually and...
Conservative Media

White House Doctor: Fox News So Far Up Trump’s Rectum They Can Smell What He Has For Breakfast Before He Eats It

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- White House medical staff have confirmed at this hour that President...
MAGA News

Putin: “I’m Glad I Didn’t Have To Show Picture ID To Buy The Presidency”

MOSCOW, RUSSIA -- Russian and/or American President Vladimir Putin was overheard today speaking to...
Religion

ISIS Sends Mike Pence Congratulations on His New ‘Religious Inquisition’ Task Force

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || ).push({}); SOMEWHERE IN SYRIA -- ISIS has issued a statement this...
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Latest articles

Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)