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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the due process and trial he's deserved his entire life." Life is funny sometimes. If you had asked me a few years ago, hell, even a few days back, if I thought...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However, now that I'm going to be bogged down with extra paperwork if I do, I can say pretty unequivocally we likely won't be rolling through the state any time soon." You...
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Business

Amazon Working On Rectal Recognition Software So You Always Know Who Dealt It

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || ).push({}); SEATTLE, WASHINGTON -- Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos announced today that...
MAGA News

President Trump Furious He Can’t Get Into Ivanka’s Pants

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- An irate President Trump lashed out violently this morning, throwing a...
Women's Rights

VP Mike Pence Will Push Congress For Law Stating Life Begins At “Pre-Cum”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This year, Vice President Mike Pence will make a joint address...
MAGA News

Trump’s Space Force Laser Guns Will Go “Pee! Pee!” Instead of “Pew! Pew!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump has changed his mind, and instead of going...
MAGA News

Ted Cruz Wants To Make Sure Trump’s Military Parade Money Isn’t Diverted To Veterans’ Healthcare

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- With his military parade on ice, for now at least, President...
Science & Medicine

Trump Rolls-Back Obama Era Endorsement of Oxygen

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's no big secret on the Hill that Donald Trump's main...
Lifestyle

Parenting Study: Kids Will Probably Be A-Holes Regardless of What You Do

A new study published in the  North American Pediatric Psychology Review seems to indicate...
MAGA News

Mexican American Has Surprisingly Little Problem Believing Trump Has Used The N-Word Before

LOS CHINGADEROS NARANJOS, CALIFORNIA -- Whether or not the sitting President of the United...
Criminal Justice

Jim Jordan Legally Changes Name To “Gym Paterno” To Avoid Scandal

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- There is no longer a congressman named Rep. Jim Jordan, who...
MAGA News

Putin Revokes Brennan’s Security Clearance

MOSCOW, RUSSIA -- Former CIA Director John Brennan has been stripped of his security...
The Democrats

Obama Can’t Guarantee He Never Heard N-Word

SECRET SHARIA BUNKER, SOMEWHERE IN KENYA -- Deep within his specially designed Sharia Bunker,...
Lifestyle

Asshole Really Wants To Give You His Asshole Opinion

FARDING BEUTH HOLE, WISCONSIN -- Kevin Rickerdellia is a straight-up asshole, has a bunch...
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Latest articles

Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...
Lifestyle

Because of DEI, My Black Friends Don’t Like My Confederate Flag Collection No More

The following editorial was written by right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Q. Bohiggins. The...

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