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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the due process and trial he's deserved his entire life." Life is funny sometimes. If you had asked me a few years ago, hell, even a few days back, if I thought...
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U.S. Politics

Ted Cruz Grills Kavanaugh For His Views On Booger Eating

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Senate Judiciary Committee has been interviewing Judge Brett Kavanaugh as...
Lifestyle

Report: More People Watched Aretha Franklin’s Funeral Than Trump’s Inauguration

GRAND FALLS, MICHIGAN -- Mathematicians at the University of Northern Michigan have released the...
MAGA News

Secret Service Wants to Question McCain Eulogists For Slaying Trump

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || ).push({}); WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At this hour, the Secret Service is...
Food and Dining

San Diego Man Will F**king Fight You If You Say Your Town Has Better Tacos Than His

SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA -- 38 year old San Diego native Lance Reginald loves Mexican...
Science & Medicine

Flint Man To Join Space Force And Undertake Mission to Mars to Bring Back Water For His Hometown

FLINT, MICHIGAN -- Though the Space Force has yet to begin accepting applications for...
Tech

To Defeat Them, Trump Decides To Buy Google

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though White House lawyers are still confirming if it would be...
Arts & Entertainment

Fans and Friends Wonder If Louis CK Forced His Comeback on Everyone Too Soon

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Comedy and sexual misconduct icon Louis CK has begun...
U.S. Politics

Flags And McCain’s War Boner at Half Mast

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- From sea to shining sea, from New York to California, from...
History

Trump Demands Betsy Ross Redesign American Flag

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || ).push({}); WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump did not color the...
Tech

Google Exec: “Maybe Instead of Googling Himself, The President Should Go Fuck Himself”

SWILLYCORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Yesterday, President Donald Trump stepped up his attacks on social...
World News

Putin Growing Irritated Hillary Is In Trump’s Mouth More Than He Is These Days

MOSCOW, RUSSIA -- Russian/American President Vladimir Putin (R-Kremlin) is said to be extremely irate...
MAGA News

Trump Signs Order Creating New Government Search Engine “Tru-gle”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In the Oval Office, just hours after tweeting his displeasure about...
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Latest articles

Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)