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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the due process and trial he's deserved his entire life." Life is funny sometimes. If you had asked me a few years ago, hell, even a few days back, if I thought...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However, now that I'm going to be bogged down with extra paperwork if I do, I can say pretty unequivocally we likely won't be rolling through the state any time soon." You...
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Conservative Media

Jussie Smollett Hired by InfoWars

TINFOIL, TEXAS -- Jussie Smollett appears to be in a mess of hot water,...
Sports

Kraft Apologizes for Paying to Have Balls Deflated

CHOWDER, MASSACHUSETTS -- A spokesperson for Robert Kraft, owner of the New England Patriots...
MAGA News

Kellyanne Conway: National Emergency at Border ‘Much Bigger and Worser Crisis’ Than Bowling Green Massacre

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- One of President Trump's most vocal and loyal aides, Kellyanne Conway,...
Science & Medicine

Doctor Explains How Judge’s Foot Lodged In Roger Stone’s Rectum Will Keep His Mouth Shut

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In federal court on Thursday, President Donald Trump's longest-running political adviser...
Tech

Trump Issues National Emergency and Seizes the Memes of Satire Production

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning President Trump signed an executive order and declared a...
Immigration

Mexico Agrees to Pay for National Emergency as Long as Trump Can Prove it Exists

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- The Federal Government of Mexico has sent an official communique...
Conservative Media

Barack Obama and The Clintons Sue Breitbart, InfoWars, and Fox News for Defamation

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- In a stunning, unforeseen development, former President Barack Obama...
U.S. Politics

McConnell Confident Trump Can Fit His Entire Dick In There

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At a hastily convened press conference this afternoon, Senate Majority Leader...
MAGA News

Trump Takes Out Full Page Ad in NYT Demanding Death Penalty for 11-Year-Old Arrested for Not Pledging Allegiance

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last week at Lawton Chiles Middle Academy in Lakeland, Florida, a sixth...
Arts & Entertainment

Elon Musk Buys and Reveals Star Wars Episode IX Title

SWILLYCORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Fandom of the sci-fi/fantasy film franchise known as "Star Wars"...
Arts & Entertainment

Trump Declares ‘Nation-SNL Emergency’ After Comedy Show Really Hurts His Feelings

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump is not done using the power of his...
MAGA News

Trump Calls Putin and Wishes Him a Happy ‘Actual’ President’s Day

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- All over the country, the nation's schools are closed in recognition...
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Latest articles

Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...
Lifestyle

Because of DEI, My Black Friends Don’t Like My Confederate Flag Collection No More

The following editorial was written by right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Q. Bohiggins. The...

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