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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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MAGA News

Trump Nominates Li “Cindy” Yang as New Secretary of Hand Labor

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump has announced a new cabinet department has been...
Pew Pew!

Soros Orders Obama to Ensure FEMA Camp Dead Baby and Confiscated Gun Warehouses Still Have Enough Room

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sources close to the situation are reporting at this hour that...
World News

Israeli Jew Making Sure She Can Criticize Her Government Without Being Called Antisemite

JERUSALEM, ISRAEL -- Deborah Fineman has been a dual citizen of both the United...
Conservative Media

Tucker Carlson Offered Back-up Gig With Trump Administration

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- New audio of Fox News host Tucker Carlson's appearances on a...
Criminal Justice

Trump Regrets Lying About Lying About Telling Michael Cohen to Lie

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- When Donald Trump came down from the White House's presidential residence...
Science & Medicine

David Avocado Wolfe Clinging to Life After Accidental Crystal Chakra Overdose

AURA CITY, WOOSCONSIN -- Local authorities and doctors are confirming at this time that...
Women's Rights

President Trump Says He Regrets Every Abortion He Paid For, and the Don Jr. He Didn’t

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last weekend, President Donald Trump spoke at CPAC -- the Conservative...
MAGA News

One Trump Autographed Bible Already Sold on eBay for $666

CORNPONE, ALABAMA -- A man who was at an evangelical church visited by President...
Religion

Trump Asked Woman If The Bible He Signed is ‘Any Good or Not’

FT. CONFEDERATE, ALABAMA -- Yesterday, President Donald Trump visited the State of Alabama in...
Tech

Trump Demands “Mark Facebook and Jack Tweeter” Stop Censoring Conservatives

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- During a meeting with business leaders this week, President Trump referred...
Conservative Media

Man Tying Shoes Sends Tomi Lahren Into Rage-Induced Coma

DULLARD, TEXAS -- Representatives for right-wing firebrand conservative commentator Tabasco Lahren are confirming at...
Science & Medicine

Adult Film Star Says President Obama Secretly Helped Her Use Exchange To Sign Up For Health Insurance

THE VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- An adult film star has revealed that she and President...
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)