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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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MAGA News

Hillary to Trump Jr.: “Oh, You Already Testified Before Congress? I Can Benghazi How Difficult That Might Be.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a rather unforeseen nexus of events, former Secretary of State...
Criminal Justice

Matt Gaetz Cited for SCCTUI: Spewing Congressional Conspiracy Theories Under the Influence

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Congressman Matt Gaetz (R-FL) is already no stranger to being charged...
Criminal Justice

Gym Jordan: “Sure Trump Broke the Law, But What Right Do the American People Have to Know the Details?”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, the House Judiciary Committee held a hearing on whether or...
Religion

IRS and God Confirm: Trump Is Equally as Christian and Billionaire

In a rather unforeseen twist, God and the Internal Revenue Service have issued a...
Criminal Justice

Trump Promises: “We’re Only Covering-Up How Innocent I Really, Truly Am, I Pinky Swear!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- There is a battle currently going on between one-half of the...
Sports

Trump Awards Tiger Woods Presidential Medal of Adultery

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, President Donald Trump gave golf champion Tiger Woods a medal...
Tech

Jack Dorsey Says Twitter Will Hold Trump Accountable When Congress Does

SWILLYCORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- There is no denying that President Donald Trump engages in...
MAGA News

Trump Gives Tiger Woods Presidential Medal of Adultery

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, President Donald Trump gave golf champion Tiger Woods a medal...
Tech

Elon Musk Decides to Buy and Delete Twitter Instead

SWILLYCORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Last March, billionaire tech guru and entrepreneur Elon Musk made...
Arts & Entertainment

Game of Thrones Producer Reveals Coffee Cup Will Sleep With Its Sister and Kill Scores in Next Episode

Ever since it debuted, HBO's epic series Game of Thrones has thrilled and enthralled audiences,...
World News

President and Putin Both Agreed How Normally Sized and Shaped EVERYTHING On Trump’s Body Is

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last week, President Trump shocked utterly no one when he called...
MAGA News

Trump: “Bob Mueller Shouldn’t Testify Because He’d Exonerate Me Way Too Much!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump lashed out on Twitter over the weekend at the...
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Latest articles

Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)