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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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Economy

Trump Signs Trade Deal With Nambia To Triple Annual U.S. Covfefe Imports

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump held a signing ceremony in the Oval Office...
History

MAGA Supporter Visits Germany and Wonders, “Where Are All The Hitler Statues?”

SCHEIßE GESICHT, GERMANY -- Jethro Bohiggins, a fairly well-known right-wing podcaster, YouTube content producer,...
Science & Medicine

NASA Scientists Still Unable To Locate Edge Of Trump’s Stupidity

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Scientists at NASA have yet to locate the edge of Donald...
Science & Medicine

GA Lawmaker: Rape Pregnancies Are ‘God Putting One In You’

CHARLESTON, W. VIRGINIA -- In 2015, West Virginia Delegate Brian Kurcaba (R) made some eyebrows...
Arts & Entertainment

NBC To Put Trump Trigger Warning Before Every Episode Of Saturday Night Live

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Since becoming President, Donald Trump has tweeted his displeasure...
LGTBQ+

Pat Robertson Warns: God Will Send Hurricanes to All 50 States If ‘Gays Keep Getting Married’

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA -- Televangelist Pat Robertson has an ominous warning for America: Stop...
Criminal Justice

Donald Trump Jr. Plans to Assert His 5th IQ Point and Amendment and Privileges

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- President Donald Trump's third smartest son intends to assert...
Religion

Pat Robertson Begs ‘The Gays’ to Only Do ‘Hand and Mouth Stuff’ Until After Hurricane Season

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA -- Televangelist Pat Robertson told a podcast audience this week that...
Women's Rights

GA Governor Open to Abortion Exception If Fetus Future Democrat

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- Georgia Governor Brian Kemp signed a controversial anti-abortion bill into law...
World News

Trump Tells Queen She Should Ask for New Great Grandson’s Long Form Birth Certificate

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- On a call with Buckingham Palace, President Donald Trump offered Queen...
Pew Pew!

Local Mom Hopes Her Teenage Daughter Dies a Hero at School Today

LAKE LE'TARGET, MINNESOTA -- As 41 year old Carol Scoffley hugged her 13 year...
Arts & Entertainment

NBC Bringing Back “The Biggest Loser” and Donald Trump’s Tax Returns Will Host

HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA -- For 17 seasons, NBC ran the show "The Biggest Loser" on...
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)