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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the due process and trial he's deserved his entire life." Life is funny sometimes. If you had asked me a few years ago, hell, even a few days back, if I thought...
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Criminal Justice

Trump Asks Supreme Court to Officially Declare Him Above The Law and ‘More Co-Equaler’ Than Congress

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Unites States of America seems to be sliding ever quicker...
Science & Medicine

Doctors Marvel at Discovery of Vertebrate Republican

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Over the weekend, scientists and medical professionals were stunned, shocked, but...
Pew Pew!

Alabama Rape Victim Uses Legally Obtained AR-15 to Perform Own Abortion

LAGO DEL DESESPERACIÓN, ALABAMA -- In March, 28 year old nurse and Alabama resident Jane...
The Bible Belt

Alabama Rape Victim Uses Legally Obtained AR-15 to Perform Own Abortion

LAGO DEL DESESPERACIÓN, ALABAMA -- In March, 28 year old nurse and Alabama resident Jane Sampson...
Women's Rights

Man Who Can’t Find Woman Willing To Sleep With Him Gives Opinions on Abortion Anyway

COUSIN LOVERS, MISSOURI -- Jason Hubbard is a described "free market capitalist" with a...
Business

Amazon Starts Same-Day Coat Hanger Deliveries in Alabama, Georgia, Ohio, Missouri

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON -- Scientific and news outlet Alternative Science reported recently that retail monolith...
Business

Shop-Vac Building New Manufacturing Facilities in Georgia, Alabama, Missouri, Ohio

WILLIAMSPORT, PENNSYLVANIA -- Citing a "brand new, previously unforeseen need in the market," Shop-Vac...
The Bible Belt

New Alabama Mom Can’t Wait to Grow Up and Watch Her Son Grow Up

CORNPONE, ALABAMA -- Susie Grandstrom is expecting her first child sometime later this year....
Women's Rights

Local Republican Can’t Wait to Share His Awful Views of Rape, Incest With You

LAKE CHAUVIN, FLORIDA -- Lance Westmund is a 52-year-old self-described Born-Again Christian, Republican, gun owner,...
Women's Rights

Exclusive: Interview With a 2-Month Old Fetus About Its Feelings on Abortion!

In 1973, the United States Supreme Court ruled in Roe vs. Wade that the...
The Bible Belt

Missouri Lawmakers Consider Changing State Nickname to “The Show Me Your Cooter State”

CONFEDERATE COUNTY, MISSOURI -- Missouri joined a growing number of red states have passed...
MAGA News

Doctors Marvel at Discovery of Vertebrate Republican

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Over the weekend, scientists and medical professionals were stunned, shocked, but...
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Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)