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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the due process and trial he's deserved his entire life." Life is funny sometimes. If you had asked me a few years ago, hell, even a few days back, if I thought...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However, now that I'm going to be bogged down with extra paperwork if I do, I can say pretty unequivocally we likely won't be rolling through the state any time soon." You...
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Women's Rights

Georgia Woman Turns Herself Into Authorities After Miscarrying

PARADIS CHAUVIN COUNTY, GEORGIA -- Authorities are confirming at the time of publication that...
Criminal Justice

Mitch McConnell: “Trump’s Not Above the Law, It Just Doesn’t Apply to Him”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell told reporters outside the rotunda today...
Women's Rights

Alabama Democrats Propose 72-Hour Waiting Period on Incestuous Sex

FORT COQ DU CHAMPIGNON VÉNÉNEUX, ALABAMA -- In response to Republicans in their state...
Conservative Media

Bablyon Bee Converts to Conservative Christian Mega-Church

LAKE PROPAGANDA, MICHIGAN --  The online satirical publication known as The Babylon Bee has decided...
Women's Rights

Town Shocked When Man Declines to Use Penis as Excuse to Tell Woman What to Do With Her Vagina

MAPLE VALLEY, OHIO -- Residents of a town in Ohio are reportedly still in...
MAGA News

Stormy Daniels Agrees: Donald Trump Doesn’t Do Cover-Ups

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Tensions are flaring like never before between Congressional Democrats and President...
Arts & Entertainment

Alabama GOP Demands “Arthur” Air Episode Where He Marries His Sister

BAISEURS DE COUSIN EN ARRIÉRE PARISH, ALABAMA -- On May 13th, 2019, PBS aired...
MAGA News

Pelosi Wishes ‘The Founders Had Given Us Some Tool by Which to Hold a President Accountable’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi told reporters today that she...
Women's Rights

Ohio Rep. Defends Abortion Law: “Now Our Government is Small Enough to Fit In Your Pee Hole”

GARDEN GLENN, OHIO -- Last week, Ohio became one of several red states attempting...
The Bible Belt

Alabama GOP Demands “Arthur” Air Episode Where He Marries His Sister

BAISEURS DE COUSIN EN ARRIÉRE PARISH, ALABAMA -- On May 13th, 2019, PBS aired...
Women's Rights

Study Shows 100% of Abortions Still None of Your F**king Business

Several red states are in various stages of implementing sweeping abortion bans aimed squarely...
Criminal Justice

Trump Asks Supreme Court to Officially Declare Him Above The Law and ‘More Co-Equaler’ Than Congress

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Unites States of America seems to be sliding ever quicker...
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Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...
Lifestyle

Because of DEI, My Black Friends Don’t Like My Confederate Flag Collection No More

The following editorial was written by right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Q. Bohiggins. The...

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