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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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Women's Rights

Georgia Newborn Charged With Murder for Absorbing Her Twin Before Birth

RIO CHINGADEROS LOCOS, GEORGIA -- Authorities in a small Georgia town are reporting that...
Business

Trump Family To Start “White House Shopping Network” To Hock Wares From The Oval Office

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In 2017, White House Senior Skeletal Vapid Mupppet Adviser Kellyanne Conway drew...
Women's Rights

Tennessee Pro-Life Republicans Want to Outlaw All Sex

THEOCRACY MOUNTAIN, TENNESSEE -- In the state of Tennessee, pro-life forces are growing tired...
Women's Rights

Tennessee Pro-Life Republicans Want to Outlaw All Sex

THEOCRACY MOUNTAIN, TENNESSEE -- In the state of Tennessee, pro-life forces are growing tired...
Women's Rights

Alabama GOP Propose New State Miscarriage Investigation Unit

STONEWALL COUNTY, ALABAMA -- Just a couple of weeks after Alabama's governor signed a...
The Bible Belt

Alabama Republicans Propose New State Miscarriage Investigation Unit

STONEWALL COUNTY, ALABAMA -- Just a couple of weeks after Alabama's governor signed a...
Pew Pew!

Open Carry Activist Shoots Himself, Stops Potential Mall Shooting Incident

DARWIN LAKE, FLORIDA -- 26-year-old Graham Phillips is a self-described "modern libertarian in every...
Lifestyle

Man Arrested for Public Defecation After Memorial Day Salute to the Confederacy

FORT BENEDICT, KENTUCKY  -- A man was arrested earlier this morning after someone alerted...
Women's Rights

Study Confirms 100% of Abortions Still None of Your F**king Business

Several red states are in various stages of implementing sweeping abortion bans aimed squarely...
MAGA News

President Trump Wants His Bone Spurs Added To Vietnam War Memorial

AIR FORCE ONE -- High above the Pacific Ocean, on his way back to...
MAGA News

Trump Takes Time on Memorial Day to Honor Vets Who Weren’t Captured Before They Were Killed

JAPAN -- While traveling abroad today, President Donald Trump sent a very special message...
Criminal Justice

Ken Starr Sees a ‘Stunning Lack of Bl*wj*bs’ In Obstruction Case Against Trump

WACO, TEXAS -- Ken Starr became a household name while he was the Republican-picked...
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Latest articles

Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)