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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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MAGA News

White House Releases List of Upcoming Summer Concentration Camp Activities

Recently, the Donald Trump administration published a list of events and activities that will...
MAGA News

Trump’s Concentration Camps File for Chapter 11

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a largely unsurprising and non-shocking turn of events, the concentration...
MAGA News

GOP Rep: Obama’s Fictional FEMA Death Camps Much Worse Than Trump’s Actual Concentration Camps

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL) told a conservative podcast host today that...
Business

Keurig Announces Roy Moore Signature Model That Only Uses 14-Year Old Covfefe Pods

READING, MASSACHUSETTS -- In 2017, coffee machine manufacturer Keurig faced steep and heavy backlash...
Immigration

DeVos Supports ICE Raids Because Her Drink Is Getting Warm

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Education Secretary Betsy DeVos told reporters today that she "completely and...
MAGA News

MAGA Boy: “They Ain’t Concentration Camps, They’re Guarded Compounds for the Imprisonment of Ethnic Minorities!”

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Right-wing podcaster, YouTube star, and country music sensation Jethro...
MAGA News

White House Drama: Eric Tells Ivanka ‘You Might Sleep With Dad, But You’re Not My Mom!’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Word out of the president's residence is that tempers are flaring...
MAGA News

Crews Will Work Overtime Shampooing Stench of Lies and Au Jus Out of Briefing Room

WASHINGTON,  D.C. -- The head of the White House cleaning crew has announced that...
MAGA News

Sarah Huckabee Sanders Eager for First Meal From Her Home Trough

WASHINGTON, D.C. --  White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders announced her resignation today,...
Lifestyle

Greene: “My Family Didn’t Come Here from Europe to Let No Immigrants In!”

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- On the latest edition of his podcast, right-wing YouTube...
MAGA News

Lindsey Graham ‘Warming Up’ To Taste Of Trump’s Rectum

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Throughout the 2016 presidential election season, Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) was...
Tech

Ted Cruz Defends Klansman’s YouTube Channel: “It Presents the N-Word for Debate in the Marketplace of Ideas”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sen. Ted Cruz is a frequent guest on alleged comedian Steven...
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)