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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the due process and trial he's deserved his entire life." Life is funny sometimes. If you had asked me a few years ago, hell, even a few days back, if I thought...
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MAGA News

President Defends Ivanka at G20: “Plenty of First Ladies Try to Conduct Diplomacy On Their Daddy’s Behalf!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump defended his daughter Ivanka to reporters on the...
Pew Pew!

Georgia Democrats Mull Law Moving All Abortion Clinics Into Gun Shops

Democrats in Wisconsin are considering a bill that would move all its state's abortion providers into the gun stores, ammo shops and ranges within the Cheese State.
MAGA News

Donald Trump Jr. Asks His Dad Who He Has to Blow to ‘Get a Killer Office Like Ivanka’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Are tensions mounting between America's Royal Family? Leaks out of the...
LGTBQ+

Arkansas Republican Wants to Install ‘Gaydar’ in Every Building in His State

is the Arkansas anti-LGBT bill just the first step in their state's anti-LGBT push?
Business

McDonald’s Unveils New “McF#ckIt” Burger For Customers Who Just Don’t Care Anymore

OAK BROOK, ILLINOIS -- Fast food monolith McDonald's told investors today that a brand...
Immigration

Norwegian Woman Would Never Live In S###hole Countries Without Universal Healthcare

Last year, President Donald Trump made it fairly clear that he would prefer that...
Immigration

5 Year Old Guatemalan Girl Pretty Adorable In Her Wee Cage Inside Her Sweet Little Concentration Camp

RIO DE VERGONZOSO, TEXAS -- She's frightened, terrified, even. She's lonely most of the...
U.S. Politics

Marianne Williamson: “Make No Mistake, I’ll Ram These Aura Crystals Right Up Donald Trump’s Puckered A**hole!”

CHAKRA FALLS, IDAHO -- Before her appearance on the debate stage last night, it's...
MAGA News

Local MAGA Supporter Suspicious Why Obama Never Declared His Rape Type

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Jethro Bohiggins is a devout, proud, unabashed Donald Trump...
U.S. Politics

Biden/Sanders to Form The Decibelcrat Party

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last night, NBC News hosted the second consecutive night of the...
Science & Medicine

Anti-Vaxx Parents Register Crib and Coffin for Baby Shower

MUERTE DE CUNA COVE, OREGON -- Krystal and Chad Benning could not possibly be...
Conservative Media

ISIS Offers Out of Work NRA-TV Host Dana Loesch a Spokes-Terrorist Position

SOMEWHERE IN SYRIA -- The White House maintains that ISIS has been thoroughly defeated,...
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Latest articles

Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)