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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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History

Historians Unearth George Washington’s Pilot License

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Researchers at the national archives have uncovered a document linked to...
Lifestyle

Native American Man Spends July 4th Telling Americans To ‘Go Back’ Where They Came From

FALLBROOK, CALIFORNIA -- Tommy Curro, a member of the Pala Native American Tribe, made...
MAGA News

President Trump Hopes Americans Appreciate How Hard Sucking Your Own D*ck In Front of Tanks Really Is

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump is, according to one senior staffer, "anxious, nervous, and...
Immigration

Trump Orders New ‘Specialized’ ICE Squad For Hispanic Arrests and Deportations

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump signed an executive order on Air Force One...
Business

Local MAGA Boy: Nike Should ‘Make It Up To’ Trump Supporters and Put Flaming T’s On Their Shoes

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Right-wing podcaster and country music singer/songwriter Jethro Bohiggins has...
MAGA News

MAGA Boy Outraged at How Uncivil AOC Was to Trump’s Gulag Guards

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Bohiggins says he "100%...
Science & Medicine

6 Homeopathic Remedies to Try When You’re Tired of “Medicines” from Big Pharma “Working”

Of the literal trillions of crimes that Big Pharma commits every day, perhaps none...
Business

Ivanka Opens North Korean Factory to Make Tennis Shoes With Confederate Flags on Them

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- First Lady-Daughter Ivanka Trump announced this afternoon that she has decided...
Immigration

Dem Lawmaker Suggests Concentration Camp Defenders Spend the Night with Detainees to Prove How Humane They Are

GILNORVALO VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- This week, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez joined a few of her...
MAGA News

Trump’s 4th of July Military Parade Officially Sponsored by Summer’s Eve and North Korea

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This year, the Trump administration has requested a large parade on...
Lifestyle

Dyslexic Teenager Can’t Stop Laughing When You say “96”

FORT MUTUELLEORALE, OKLAHOMA -- This past school year, Johnny Katzakas was asked to leave...
Conservative Media

Fox News Offers Time Slot Before Tucker Carlson to Kim Jong-Un

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Executives at Fox News have reportedly reached out to...
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Latest articles

Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)