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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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Women's Rights

Poll Says Majority of Americans Approve of Aborting Alabama, Missouri, Georgia, and Ohio

Back in May, four red states adopted new, extremely harsh bans on abortion within...
Pew Pew!

NRA Backs Law Allowing Gun Sales After Shop Is Closed

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA -- The National Rifle Association has come out in favor of new...
MAGA News

Trump 2020 Ad Uses Stock Footage of 1930’s Germans to Represent MAGA Supporters

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Trump 2020 Campaign admitted today that they resorted to using...
Criminal Justice

Cop Shoots Suspected Unarmed Black Ice Cream Licker

BLANC PRIVILLÉGE CREEK, LOUISIANA -- An unarmed African American female suspected of licking the...
Religion

Ross Perot Nudges George H.W. Bush Out of Line for Heavenly Buffet

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Sources close to the situation say that tensions have...
Science & Medicine

You Won’t Believe The Diseases Essential Oils Have No Chance of Curing!

Essential oils don't just make your room smell less like farts and more like...
History

Navy Reveals Washington Won Its First “Top Flintlock” Trophy

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Officials with the U.S. Navy have confirmed today that George Washington...
World News

British Ambassador Promises To Stop Having Opinions That Are Based In Fact

MERRY OLD LONDON TOWN IN JOLLY OLD ENG-UH-LAND -- British Ambassador to the US,...
Lifestyle

Man Starting To Regret All the Cocaine He Did Right Before Playing Jenga

VALLE QUE CHINGAS, CALIFORNIA -- Larry Herbishaw should probably have not done cocaine right...
Conservative Media

Fox News Hires David Dennison as New Programming Director

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- This morning, Fox News announced that it has hired...
Sports

Megan Rapinoe Accepts Invitation to Visit Hillary Clinton’s House

LYON, FRANCE -- The U.S. Women's Soccer Team is celebrating their second straight FIFA...
History

How and Why Benjamin Franklin Invented Overhead Storage Compartments

The stories of America's aviation and aeronautics contributions to humankind are of course legendary...
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)