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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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Tech

Obama Thinks Deep Down Trump is Jealous of His Much Bigger Twitter Follower Count

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's not really a big secret on the Hill that President...
MAGA News

Barack Obama Explains Why His Labor Secretary Didn’t Step Down Over Coddling a Rich Pedophile

A SECRET SOCIALIST SHARIA BUNKER, SOMEWHERE IN AMERICA -- Today, President Donald Trump's labor...
Criminal Justice

Epstein and Acosta Spotted Filling Out Employment Apps at Chuck E. Cheese’s

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Eye witnesses have spotted former Labor Secretary Alexander Acosta filling out...
Criminal Justice

Did Epstein Run Black Market Pizza Joints Using a Pedophile Ring as Cover to Sell Uranium to Russians to Cover Up Benghazi?

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Undoubtedly, the arrest of billionaire Jeffrey Epstein on multiple charges of...
Conservative Media

Tomi Lahren Hard at Work on List of Acceptable Ways for Black People to Protest Abuse

LA CULERA RUBIA ARRUGADA, CALIFORNIA -- Right-wing firebrand commentator and Fox News contributor Tammy...
Tech

White House Staff Were Terrified Trump Would Try to be President During Twitter Outage

WASHINGTON. D.C. -- At the time of publication, Twitter had just come back online...
Lifestyle

22 Year Old Trophy Wife Into Gray Pubes After All

DELAWARE, TEXAS -- Kate Singleton just married the man of her dreams, she tells...
Sports

Rapinoe Will Visit Hillary Clinton’s House Instead of the White House

LYON, FRANCE -- Recently, a report from our sister publication, Satirical Facts reported about...
MAGA News

Trump Orders Facebook and Twitter to Require Users Like and Follow Him

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's been no big secret around the nation's capital that President...
Conservative Media

Fox News’ Lahren: “Mermaids Are White, Just Like Santa and Jesus!”

LA CULERA RUBIA ARRUGADA, CALIFORNIA -- Last week, our sister publication, Alternatively Facts, published a story...
Lifestyle

Man in Romantic Relationship With Wall Socket Shocked by Genital Pain

VALLE DE PENE QUEMADO, NEW MEXICO -- No matter how much his groin region...
Criminal Justice

Did Epstein Run Black Market Pizza Joints Using a Pedophile Ring as Cover to Sell Uranium to Russians to Cover Up Benghazi?

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Undoubtedly, the arrest of billionaire Jeffrey Epstein on multiple charges of...
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)