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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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MAGA News

Trump Threatens to Send Statue of Liberty Back Where She Came From

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Statue of Liberty could be packed up and shipped back...
Conservative Media

Will We Ever Know Who Meghan McCain’s Father Is?

According to scholars and experts on the subject, one of the greatest mysteries of...
The Bible Belt

Man Chanting ‘Send Her Back’ Can’t Locate His Home State on a Map

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Last night, right-wing podcaster, commentator, and singer/writer Jethro Bohiggins...
MAGA News

Eric Trump: 95% of Unicorn Breeders Support His Father

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- In an interview on Fox News, President Donald Trump's...
Conservative Media

Eric Trump Tells Fox News 95% of Unicorn Breeders Support His Father

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- In an interview on Fox News, President Donald Trump's...
Immigration

For Some Unknown Reason, This Canadian Immigrant Hasn’t Felt Threatened by Any of Trump’s Rhetoric

RIO DE LA GUEROS, CALIFORNIA -- Technically, 35 year old Susan Reedy is an...
The Bible Belt

Tennessee Gov. Signs Proclamation Celebrating Racism

NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE -- Earlier this week, Tennessee governor Bill Lee (R) has signed a...
MAGA News

Confused Trump Asks First Lady Why FaceApp’s “Old Man” Filter Seems Broken

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In the Oval Office this morning, there was quite a kerfuffle. "IVANKA!...
MAGA News

Kellyanne Conway Confirms Her Ethnicity As Crypt Keeper

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A defiant Kellyanne Conway stridently and forcefully told reporters today as...
U.S. Politics

Republican Reminds Dems House Rules Forbid Calling Flaming Bag of Diarrhea on White House Lawn “Sack of Sh-t”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rep. Doug Collins (R-GA) reminded the Democratic caucus this evening that...
Conservative Media

Laura Ingraham Blasts Disney for Not Recasting Aladdin’s Genie White

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Fox News host Frau Laura Braun Ingraham is not...
Business

Fuming Bezos Threatens Hostile Takeover of Offensive Crayons Over Amazon Day Buttplug Protest

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON -- Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos is reportedly "livid beyond all recognition" and...
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)