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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the due process and trial he's deserved his entire life." Life is funny sometimes. If you had asked me a few years ago, hell, even a few days back, if I thought...
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MAGA News

Trump Accuses China Of Being A Chinese Hoax

WASHINGTON, D.C.  -- Since taking office, President Donald Trump has taken an often times...
The Democrats

Marianne Williamson: “Make No Mistake, I’ll Ram These Crystals Right Up Donald Trump’s Puckered A**hole!”

CHAKRA FALLS, IDAHO -- Before her appearance on the first televised Democratic primary debate...
Immigration

Trump Confident Putin Won’t Lose to Anyone on Democratic Debate Stage

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Speaking to reporters on the south lawn of the White House...
MAGA News

MAGA Boy Outraged No Democrat Screamed About Mexicans or Mentioned Which of Their Children They’d Bang During Debate

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Bohiggins is a devout...
MAGA News

Trump Campaign to Hold Amazon Kindle Burning

WASHINGTON, D.C.  -- The President Trump re-election campaign has announced that they will be...
U.S. Politics

Omar Offers to Pay to Send Rand Paul to a Real Hairdresser

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Freshman Congresswoman Ilhan Omar (D-MN) is a lightning rod for conservative...
U.S. Politics

“I’m Tired of These Baseless Smears on My Patriotism” McConnell Says Drenched in Putin’s Jizz

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A cum soaked Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-The Kremlin) told...
U.S. Politics

Barack Obama Endorses Donald Trump for President

SHARIA VOODOO LABORATORY, SOROS BUNKER #1 -- In a truly unforeseen turn of events,...
Arts & Entertainment

Disney Imagineers Have Begun “Stupid And Prejudiced” Firmware Update of Animatronic Trump

ORLANDO, FLORIDA -- One of the longest running attractions at Walt Disney World is...
MAGA News

Trump Was ‘On the Way’ to Help First Responders on 9/11, But Decided to Let Someone Else ‘Hog All the Glory’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, President Donald Trump signed permanent funding for 9/11 first responders...
Immigration

Trump Campaign Debuts New 2020 Slogan: “If She’s Brown, Deport Her Down”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The reelection campaign for President Mushroompenis Trump has rolled out a...
The Bible Belt

Toothless Kentucky Man Would Never Live in Baltimore

CONFEDERATE FALLS, KENTUCKY -- Sebastian Wilmington is a 36 year old lifetime resident of...
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Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)