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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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History

Trump Says His ‘Guys’ Will Find Ark of The Covenant and Holy Grail Within First 100 Days if Re-Elected

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald J. Trump has ordered that his administration mount an...
MAGA News

Trump Misses Blaming Farts on Sarah Huckabee Sanders

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- While taking a stroll on the grounds of the White House...
MAGA News

Local Woman Anxious For Hatred Among Fellow Americans To Return To Pre-Trump Levels

LAKE GILMOUR, FLORIDA -- Scholars and historians seem to agree, the 2016 presidential election...
U.S. Politics

Trump Promises to Drop Out if Michelle Obama Enters 2020 Race

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump told reporters today that if former First Lady...
MAGA News

President Trump Asks All Intelligence Briefings Include Small Words And Big Pictures

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Trump administration has submitted an official request to Congress, asking...
MAGA News

White House Engineers Will Downsize the Trump’s Big Red Button

Sister publication The Pastiche Post has reported this week that a major change is...
MAGA News

Trump Asks White House Engineers to Downsize the Big Red Button

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The government's top engineers are working hard to retrofit the button...
Arts & Entertainment

Lahren: “Mermaids Are White, Just Like Santa and Jesus!”

LA CULERA RUBIA ARRUGADA, CALIFORNIA -- Fox News contributing racist muppet Timothy Lahren railed...
MAGA News

Grand Wizard Unsure Whether to Disavow Klan’s Ties to ‘N****r Loving Socialist Democrats’ or Own the Libs With Them

QUECHINGAS VALLEY, ARKANSAS -- 56 year old Sam Kilpatrick is a descendent of Irish...
Conservative Media

New Policy Dictates Babylon Bee Staff Crucify Themselves Daily in Front of Snopes Headquarters

The editors of The Babylon Bee -- a Christian Dominionist publication that uses alleged humor and...
Lifestyle

The Klan Apologizes For Spelling Error In Pro-Trump Pamphlets

WHITE PLAINS, KANSAS -- A spokesman for the Ku Klux Klan formally apologized for...
MAGA News

Man Files Freedom of Information Request for Donald Trump’s ‘Human Birth Certificate’

SAN NARANJA, CALIFORNIA -- A man in California has filed a request under the...
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Latest articles

Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)