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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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MAGA News

Jesus Christ Has A Message For His Followers Who Vote For Trump: Fuck You

Jesus Christ does not mince words.
MAGA News

El Paso Shooting Victim Asked If She Could Be Shot Instead of Getting a Presidential Visit

EL PASO, TX -- An victim of the deadly mass shooting in El Paso,...
Pew Pew!

Gamestop to Start Requiring 7-Day Waiting Periods on All Violent Video Games

GRAPEVINE, TEXAS -- Videogame retail giant Gamestop held a call with stockholders today and...
Immigration

Congresswoman Suggests Trump ‘Go Back to the Overflowing Toilet’ He Came From

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib (D-MI) was stopped on her way to the...
Lifestyle

Man Who Fractured Kid’s Skull For ‘Disrespecting’ Anthem to Receive Presidential Medal of Nationalist Psychos

SHITDICK, MONTANA -- A man who beat and fractured a 13-year-old boy's skull because...
Arts & Entertainment

MAGA YouTuber and Musician Drops New Country Single and Video: “I F**k The Flag”

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- A pro-Trump singer/songwriter on the Confederate Records label has...
Pew Pew!

6 Ways Americans Can Address Mass Shootings Without Actually Doing Anything About Guns

Okay, America. Maybe it's time to slow down a little bit on the mass...
Pew Pew!

Call of Duty Designer Apologizes for Inspiring World War II

A man who worked on the design of one of the original "Call of...
Criminal Justice

Trump Promises to Write MAGA Bomber Every Day He’s in Prison

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last year, Cesar Sayoc sent pipe bombs to over a dozen...
Conservative Media

FACT CHECK: Is The Babylon Bee Being a Whiny Little Bitch?

Right-wing megachurch The Babylon Bee is currently the middle of quite a public feud with...
U.S. Politics

Nation Devastated to Find Out McConnell Will Probably Recover From Fall

Over the weekend, news broke that Senate Majority Leader and Satan's Best Friend Mitch...
MAGA News

Trump Says That He Misses Blaming His Farts on Sarah Huckabee Sanders

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sister publication The Political Garbage Chute reported last week that recent...
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Latest articles

Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)